Whew

So I got off my rusty dusty and hauled ass to Zumba.   Let me just say...I didn't want to go.  I went and I am so glad that I did.  It was a great workout.  I actually talked to the people there for a change.  I never do.

Huge NSV...a lady at Zumba....who is always there stopped me when I was leaving.  She told me she loved dancing next to me...and that she is standing next to me in all the classes.  She said I make her want to do the moves as good as me.  LOL It was awesome.  This lady is very petite and beautiful.  But she wants to dance next to me. 

Also I connected with another mom who has a daughter my age...and all her friends have older children.  We exchanged numbers and hopefully we can set up a play date with the kiddos.  I would love that for my kids.

Friday night they are having a Zumba party.  90 minutes of Zumba and margaritas and sangria after.  I plan on attending the class.  I'm looking forward to doing a 90 minute workout. 

Hope everyone is having a good week. 

BTW...Laura Bell is insane...she ran in 108 degree heat. I think her and Draz are trying to drive me crazy with worry.

Confessions

These are my confessions...

• I have not worked out in 2 weeks!! What the hell is wrong with me?!?  I'm going back to Zumba tonight...and I plan on trying that link that Laura Bell has on her blog.
• I finally made the first step on dealing with some of my issues.  I found and met with a therapist yesterday.  I felt better after the session and I am looking forward to seeing her again.
• I applied for that job...I didn't get it.  I'm not going to cry about it...there just means something better is coming my way.
• I sent an e-mail to the office manager at True Results about how I had been treated...she has not responded yet.  Unfortunately, I will go back there on Tuesday...because I need a fill.
• I am exhausted. 

NSV...

I have my shirt tucked into my pants for the first time since I was 21.  OMG...it feels good...and I look good too.  LOL

Weekend Recap...in Pictures

I had a great weekend.  Saturday was time with the kiddos and Charles at the park...and Peyton getting a haircut. 

 My little guy had so much fun on the slide.

 She was pissed because she hit herself in the face with the tire swing.

He loves to be thrown way in the air.  I finally caught him airborne.

Then on Sunday I drove 3 1/2 hours to see 4 amazing ladies.  I had the pleasure of spending a great Sunday afternoon with Andrea, Beth Ann, Debi and Ronnie.  They were freaking amazing.  I puffy heart them all.  LOL (that was for you Ronnie).

 Are they not the cutest ladies you have ever seen.  Full of personality.

 Andrea almost talked us to death...just joking...she was so quiet...but look at that smile...she is GORGEOUS!!

 Debi and her BBF Beth Ann. Both ladies glow and talk about kind.  If you never get to know them...it would be your lose. I'm so glad I had the chance.

 Beth Ann looks great...she is working her band and living her life to the fullest.  So inspiring.

 Debi...she has lost 100 freaking pounds.  She offered such great advice to me.  I felt so lucky.

 Ronnie looks all innocent...but she is not.  LOL.  She is so sweet and full of life.  She will always make you laugh.

 Look at all that vanilla...sprinkled with a big chunk of delicious chocolate.

Beth Ann was so jealous of Ronnie's "hat head".  She tried this thing on...which I couldn't figure out what it was.  Apparently it is a hat her mom would wear.  LOL

Let me just say.  I had the best support group session ever yesterday with these ladies.  I mean they were awesome.  I have never been to actual band support group.  But this was it for me.  I left yesterday feeling renewed and knowing I could accomplish anything.

UNSTOPPABLE

This song is very motivational.  I am UNSTOPPABLE!!! 

You find your faith has been lost and shaken
Here's your chance and it's worth taking
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
You got the strength to race the wind
Remember what one dream can do
You are unstoppable

BYOC baby!!

It’s BYOC day! Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer a few questions to get to know each other better and to give our blog brains a break! Copy and paste to your own blog and enjoy!!

1. Alright – forgive me – we’re gonna get a little personal here. I (Drazil) was flipping through my organizer and saw in big bright letters “ANNUAL PHYSICAL DUE” coming up soon. Then I remembered that last year my lady bits doc said that since I haven’t had a bad pap in so many years – that I don’t have to come back for another 3 years if I don’t want to. What the what? Did you guys know that?

No speculum in the vaginulum?

Anywhoozle – it sounds all good but really – do any of you follow this medical rule? Do you go every three years if you’ve never had a bad pap?

I go every year.  I spread 'em wide and talk about random things with the Doc.  Doesn't bother me at all.

2. If you read, what are you reading right now? Or how about what is your fave music right now?

Right now I'm reading Twice the Temptation The Things the Carried and some other nameless book, because I can't think of the name.  I love to read.  Right now my fav CD is Adele 21, I'm a old school hip hop head...like Dougie Fresh, Slick Rick, The Get Fresh Crew, Dana Dane, etc.  I also am a die hard, true blue Tupac fan.  Then there is my total love and obsession for country music.  Seriously...Blake Shelton and Honey Bee is so my song.  I love Adam Levine...he really doesn't have to sing...just stand there and look pretty.  I'm a lover of Gospel music as well as classical and jazz and blue.  The only thing I don't listen to is heavy metal.  Sorry.  I just remember some girl saying when we were younger that they were singing about the devil. 

3. Name some of your favorite smells.

The smell of fresh cut grass, the smell of the top of my kids head, Charles on the weekend, my dog after a bath, my moms favorite pillow...and finally the pipe that my grandfather smoked on a regular basis....I still smell a hint of the tobacco over 15 years later.

4. Showers or baths? Shampoo only or shampoo & conditioner? Shave daily or just when you start feeling and looking like an ape?

I shower every morning...and I take a shower every afternoon when I get home from work...then I take a bath before I go to bed.  Yes...I do realize that I bath 3 times a day.  Don't judge me!!! I have cleanliness issues.  This is a major improvement.  When I was unemployed I bathed 5 times a day.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blogland.

Blogland is FREAKING AWESOME...as usual.  The ladies here are amazing...so inspiring and so understanding.  They lift me up when I'm feeling down and carry me on their shoulders. They tell me the truth...and I need to hear it.  They love me from afar.  How freaking great is that!?!?

Real life is good.  My kids are healthy and happy...I made a major decision today that I am hoping will change my life forever and for the better.  The kids and I have big plans for the swimming pool this weekend.  I'm meeting my blogging sisters in DFW on Sunday for lunch.  I'm super excited.  I will take lots of pictures.

New Blogger

Kristy was banded early this year.  I just ran across her blog.  She her some love.

http://kristy-lifethroughmyeyes.blogspot.com/

Fear

Fear has been a constant companion for me for many months now.  I still can not understand why.  I have tried to live my life fearlessly.  I have always faced situations head on even when I knew I would walk away heart broken and down trodden.

However, right now I am afraid.  I worked diligently for 2 years to obtain my Master's degree.  It was a major accomplishment for me.  I just knew it would open up many doors for me to succeed.  Yet, I'm still "stuck" in my job.  I feel empty inside when I'm in that place.

The fear is my being afraid to submit my resume for consideration for a position.  I read the qualifications and I know I fit the bill.  However, because my experience has been gained from several different positions, I always feel that will overlook me and that hurts.

Fear of rejection is keeping me from moving forward.  I don't know what to do. 

Fear that I will be the "one" who the band just doesn't work for...is keeping me fat. 

Fear of failing is keeping me from trying.

Why after all these years am I afraid.  Gosh I wish I new the answer....I wish I knew.

Disappointed yet more Determined

As you all know I have been working on transferring my follow-up care to another practice.  I don't feel that I am receiving the quality of care that I deserve at True Results.  I contacted a local bariatric surgeon group and made sure all of my paperwork was in order. 

The surgeon said No to accepting me as a new patient.  Her reasoning was since I lived in the area at the time of my surgery I should have been aware of all my options.  I'm disappointed that I was not accepted as a patient.  However, that only means there is a better practice for me somewhere else. 

I'm still on the look out.  I have not cancelled my appointment with True Results for August 2nd.  However, I am hoping to find a new practice before then.

Thank you all for the birthday love!!  I feel super special!!  You wonderful ladies ROCK!!!

Birthday Fab

Today is my birthday!!  I love every second of it.  That is because I adore me!!  LOL  The morning started with Charles letting me sleep in...since I don't work on my birthday.  It's a national holiday for me.  LOL

The kiddos "cooked" me breakfast...crunch berries all berries.  LOL  I ate every drop with them.  I went back to my room to search out some info online...but I fell asleep.  That's right...I took at 3 hour nap...it was great.  I got up at around 12:30 pm.  Showered and dressed and entertained Bologna. 

I left the house.  Headed to the mall.  Got my jewelry cleaned and inspected.  Then I went to Lens Crafter to get new glasses.  I found the perfect pair...however, they were taking to long so I have to go back another day.  I can't wait...they were gorgeous!!  I went to the M.A.C. cosmetics counter...new year means new makeup.  I spent 45 minutes there getting the makeup I will need for the first part of my new year.  LOL!! 

Every year of life is a new year to get it right.  Make overs or unders are always a good start. 

Finally I left for the spa.  Yes...another spa day.  I always do the spa on my birthday.  I receive a massage and a facial.  It was so relaxing. 

For dinner my mom made me a homemade burger.  Color me happy as hell. 

Now I have to catch up and comment on all the blogs.  LOL 

Thanks to all of my beautiful friends who wished me a happy birthday on FB. 

Weekend Recap and Remembrance

This weekend was full of fun with my kids.  Charles has Saturday off for the next month or so.  I have told him that we are doing something family oriented every weekend. 

Saturday morning the kids and I were up early and ready to go by 8 o'clock.  Trust me I didn't want to get up that early on my day off, but there were things to make happen.

We dropped Charles off at the spa around 9 o'clock.  He cashed in his Father's day gift certificate that included a 90 minute massage and a man facial.  I was jealous...but whatever.  LOL 

After my daughter finished crying and whining about missing her daddy we arrived at on of the many farmer's markets in Austin.  It was interesting.  I had the boys in the stroller and my daughter was wearing her baby leash (disguised as a backpack). 

We purchased a delicious watermelon, some yummy peaches, zucchini, sweet and hot peppers, fresh honey, okra, and mushrooms.  A great haul for us.  We spent about $25 bucks. 

After dropping off our goods at home and having a snack (the kids not me) we picked Charles up and then drove to Fredricksburg, TX.  Okay, so I have heard how wonderful Fredricksburg is...and it has all these cool shops and things to do.  It was not my thing.  It's more of a tourist attraction.  However, we got in a great walk.  The kids walked the entire time.  Bologna stayed in the stroller and napped.  We played on the playground and just had a great day. 

We were going to have a meal at one of the local shops...but they were all packed, outside, or closed.  I don't eat outside.  This is Texas...it's 115 degrees in the shade.  Hell to the Nah!! We opted for pizza hut.  The kids enjoyed their pizza.  Charles ate an entire large pizza minus the 2 slices I had.  BTW...2 slices of pizza for me is a huge NSV.  I mean we used to order to large pizzas.  One for Charles and one for me. Not this time.

After getting home...I took the kids to the park around our house.  Just to make sure they were sufficiently exhausted.  Got them home...fed them a little.  Bathed them...and off to bed they went. 

Sunday was uneventful.  Just laundry and me cooking so different things.  I grilled some chicken breast tenders to get me through the week.  I was able to make up 4 containers of 3.77 to 4 oz of chicken in each container.  This will be my lunch or dinner each day.  I also grilled some zucchini.  It was yummy. 

I also tried a recipe I found on Gina's Skinny Taste.  It was a shrimp avocado salsa quesadilla.  Let me just say...it was the BOMB.COM!!!  OMG...even my mother liked it.  That was my dinner.

That was my uneventful weekend.  Next weekend is going to be even better.  I'm going out Friday night...and then again on Saturday...then I'm heading to Dallas/Ft. Worth to hang out with some Texas BOOBS!!!

On a different note...I would like to take this opportunity to remember my wonderful Uncle who passed away on Saturday morning.  He was 57 y/o.  He is my mom's big brother.  He was a great man. He served his country in the United States Marine Corps.  He helped his mother care for his grandmother for 5 years without question. He took pride in the accomplishments of his nieces and nephews.  He loved his family without abandon.  He had an infectious laugh...which my cousins and I always made fun of because it was so unique.  That laugh always made us smile.  RIP to my uncle Gary Verdell Clark.  I love you and you will be truly missed.

Sorry

I totallly thought I had turned off word verification. I realized reading Ronnie's post that I was wrong.  I have since fixed this horrible error.  I'm so sorry.

BTW...I just had a slice of red velvet cake.   Yes, I know it is so not a part of the pouch test.  My dear friend made it for me.  He usually doesn't do anything like this because he is adamant about me staying on plan. 

All my will power went straight to hell.  That was the best damn cake ever!!  I'm taking the rest home to share with the family.

Pouch Test and other stuff

Day 3 of the pouch test went well.  I had an omelet for breakfast. I realized...I don't like eggs unless they are with grits and toast.  So not my thing.  But I ate that omelet like it was the best thing ever.  I was able to get all of my water in. 

Day 4 is going well right now.  I'm telling you.  Read's words of "Get the fuck over it," are getting me through.  I love that red headed vamp.

Exercise  I went to Zumba yesterday.  It was so sad.  I have not enjoyed it much lately.  I'm totally shocked.  The female instructor that had to leave was so great.  Now I'm just stuck with the male instructor...and even in all his gay glory...he is not doing it for me.  There is only so much Tejano music I can stand.  I was bored out of my mind last night.  That music and the same routine...not going to cut it.  So I am thinking  of joining the YMCA.  They have a lot of fun class offereings during the eveing and I can drop the kids off at the day care inside the Y.  Lap Band Gal talked about enjoying exercise on her blog today.  It's so true.

Tonight is a walking night...and maybe some dancing to get the heart pumping. 

I have started the search of finding a new bariatric office.  I do not want to go back to True Results and their negative perception of me.  I need to be around a surgical team who cares.  I have found an office and surgeon.  I picked this office and surgeon because they specialize in all areas of bariatric surgery.  That means if I need to change it up...maybe have the sleeve like Jacqui...then I have that option. 

I'm dealing with a lot of things at work right now.  I hope to have them resolved this week.  I have revamped my resume and cover letter. I will spend some time over the next few weeks applying for jobs.  I am not limited to Texas either.  I am a gypsy at heart. 

By the way...if you receive an email from me from a bop.gov email address...it is me.  Sometime I can't wait until I get home to reply.  If you send me an e-mail at blackbutterfly719 before 4:00 pm (central) I will not reply until later in the day.  I can't check my personal e-mail from my work e-mail.

Does anyone follow the blog Ginny's Skinny Recipes?  OMG...I love her blog.  The recipes are great.  Ronnie you should look at it since you are going to start WW.  She has all the information available with the points for each meal. 

Pouch test...flouro...no fill...unfill

Okay.  This is a quick update on the drama with my band.

Pouch Test Days 1&2

The pouch test is going well.  The first day was crazy hard for both Brandi and I.  It was all mental.  It did help me realize that I graze when I'm bored.  While at work yesterday I was dying to eat or chew something.  I actually walked over to the vending machine and stared at it for like 10 minutes.  I mean I really wanted those damn corn chips.  However, I kept remember what Read said..."Get the fuck over it."  So that is what I did.

I came home from work and made a protein shake...I added peanut butter.  Gosh it makes it so yummy.  I enjoyed a total of 3 protein shakes yesterday. 

Day one was a success with no cheating.   Yeah me!!

Day two.  Well day 2 is today.  Let's just say...not much fluid went in...read below to see why.

Flouro, no fill, unfill
After my last appointment on June 21st where I didn't receive a fill, I made this appointment, because the PA believed I was dilated or some crap.  So I go in. A different PA says we are doing fluoro today because you have 7.3 cc in your 10 cc band and you aren't losing enough weight.  (Totally pissed me off people...on their scale I have lost 34 lbs. since my procedure).  I have flouro...drink that crap.  The liquid goes through like there is no fluid in my band at all.  Yup...it was flowing like the Colorado River.  So she says...well everything looks great.  I guess you are just going to be one of those people who need more fluid in your band to effectively lose.  I want to slap her at this point...seriously.

Then I remember how fast the fluid goes through so I ask them to measure the fluid in my band.  She says well if we do that then put it back in your band is going to be really tight.  So I'm like whatever.  I want to make sure the damn fluid is in there.  Especially since you are comparing my weight loss to that of others.  Let's make sure it's there. 

They measure.  The fluid is there.  Then the X-ray tech ask if she is going to add any fluid.  She says no...because she is concerned about putting the 7.3 cc back into the band.  I'm just ready for the damn day to end...because I'm still harping on them saying my weight loss sucks.

She puts the fluid back in.  I go to the lobby and drink water.  I know right away...this is not going to work.  The minute I take a sip I feel it coming back up.  So I start to spit.   Then I wait...and try again.  I literally have to go back to the rest room to spit...like non stop.  So I try to drink again.  I get excruciating pain in my back.  Oh hell no...I don't do pain.  So I tell one of the assistants they are going to have to remove some of the the fluid.

I go back in and wait darn near 20 minutes.  Then the PA from the June appointment comes in and starts talking crazy.  Like oh no...that was not a smart move.  I'm going to have to take at least 2 ccs out.  Especially if you are retching.  I'm like I'm not retching...I'm spiting.  That is it.  So she takes out 1.1 cc.  I still have some issues with spitting but it gets better.  I leave and I'm all good.

However, the rest of the morning I can't stop spitting.  The spitting didn't actually stop until around noon.  I had this appointment at 7:30 am.

Luckily I'm fine.  I have been able to take fluid and I had some delicious Wonton soup for dinner, 2 protein shakes and water.

I'm very unhappy with True Results Austin.  I don't feel they care.  At any rate.  I go back in 3 weeks to get a fill and fluoro again.  Idiots!!

Exercise & Challenge
I didn't exercise yesterday.  I wanted to chew.  LOL  Today I did a 2.3 mile walk.  I feel good about it.  Tomorrow is Zumba.  The Tits to the Pavement B-day challenge ends on Monday.  I will weigh in on Sunday and post my results.

I feel like I missed so much in being off line all day.

Superwoman

Last week I was not feeling anything like a superhero.  This week I plan on putting that "S" back on my chest.  Here is a video to celebrate all of you...my superwomen.

Don't let anyone stop you today, tomorrow, ever!!!

Challenge weigh in...and my weekend

So I sucked farts the first week of the B2B challenge.  I gained 1.3 lbs.  It's all good though.  I can't lose without exercising.  I will honestly tell you I only exercised 1 time this week.  Yup...just once.  As you know from previous posts I've been in a funk all week.  Well that funk said screw exercise.

It's all good though.  I am feeling better and making decisions that will benefit my family in the long run.  I am in a good place.  I hope to stay there all week.  The only problem with that...I have to go to work tomorrow.  They usually infiltrate my happy  place in 3.2 seconds.  It totally sucks.

Tomorrow Brandi and I are starting the 5 day pouch test. We are both very excited and know it's just what we need right now.  I have made a nice little soup for lunch and possibly dinner tomorrow.  I have my protein powder ready to mix and I will be taking some to work just in case. 

This weekend  went to the spa with a couple of friends from work.  I don't usually socialize with my "work" friends outside of the job.  The reason is...we only talk about the job.  I hate that.  But we managed to take a few hours and enjoy some time at the spa.  It was relaxing.  However, it did help me realize I need to get back into the routine of "me time". 

This is the package I received at the spa:

Summer Glow Spa Package

• Sauna with Cool Peppermint Towels
• One Hour Swedish Massage
• Oh-So Coconut-Vanilla Hydrating Body Wrap
• Gingerizer Foot & Calf Scrub
• Full Body Dry Brush Exfoliation
• Magic Mint Scalp Treatment
• Cool Cucumbers on the Eyes
• Take Home Gift Bag
• Served with Moroccan Mint Tea

It was nice.  I have an appointment for a 75 minute facial on my birthday.  I can't wait.  I might throw in another message.  I'm going on a hike on my birthday.  It should be fun.  It's a little under 5 miles.  I have not gone in sometime.  I was much heavier before and I completed it.  So this should be a breeze.  LOL

I hope everyone has a great work week.