Fill day and the drama of it all

Today was a fill day.  Yippie...I so wanted a fill, because I could eat a baby cow. I go in for my fill.  I chat with the medical assistant who recently had the surgery to see how things are going with her.  I ask about her kids, because I actually care...not just for small talk.  Then I say, "V, who is doing my fill today?"  Her response is C.  I immediately heave a heavy sigh.  C is the one who always says she is worried I'm going to dilate my pouch.  Or that I'm not losing enough fast enough...blah, blah , blah.  In short.  I can't stand the broad!!! 

I go back to the X-ray room, because we are doing yet another barium swallow.  We do the swallow.  This is the conversation after the swallow:

C - "Wow, you have great restriction."
Me - "No I don't."
C - "According to the picture we just took your restriction is perfect.'
Me - "According to my body which I live with everyday my restriction is far from perfect.  I am eating every 2 hours...and lets not forget the constant snacking that I am doing."
C - "What are you eating?  Are you eating enough protein?  Are you tracking your food?"
Me - " I am eating 2 eggs and 2 turkey sausage for breakfast, lunch is tuna with 16 wheat thins, dinner varies, but mostly chicken, and fish, with turkey thrown in.  I have 100 calorie pack cheese as a snake in between breakfast and lunch, then I have a Greek yogurt or 2 TB of peanut butter for a snack before or after dinner."
C - "You shouldn't be snacking after you eat dinner.  That is why you can't lose."
Me - "I eat dinner at 5:30 or 6 o'clock, I don't go to bed until 12:30 or 1 o'clock.  I need to have that snack."
C - "Sounds like you need to eat dinner later or go to bed sooner."
Me -"I have 3 children, a dog, a mother and a household to take care of.  I can't go to sleep any sooner...and I eat dinner with my family...as a family."
C- "Well Dawnya, I don't really want to give you a fill.  You are at 6.7 now...when you were at 7.3 you were to tight and we had to give you an unfill.
Me - "I was to tight at 7.3 because she took all the fluid out to measure it and then put it back in.  I wasn't to tight before that.  If you look at the pictures taken on the day of that fill...there was absolutely no restriction at all."
C - "I don't think you need a fill.  I think you need to make better food choices.  The stuff you are eating as snacks are crap.  You food choices just aren't that great."
Me - "I eat what is the best option for me.  I need food options that will keep outside of being refrigerated, etc, etc."
C - "Well I still don't think you need a fill.  But I guess we can give you a little fill."
Me - "That's fine...just give me the fill."
C - "Yeah, but I'm afraid if I give you a fill you are going to dilate your pouch...because you are eating crap.  I'm trying to work with you, Dawnya."
Me - "No, you are not trying to work with me.  You are not even listening to me (she interrupts me).  You know what I don't want a fill from you (I get off the exam table).  I will just make another appointment to receive a fill.  I don't have to beg you to give me a fill.  This is my body and I know what I need. 

As I'm walking about she is like...well let's talk about this some more Dawnya.  I say no...I've wasted enough of my time.

So I go to the front to make another appointment, because at this point I'm pissed.  I could have been at work instead of wasting time talking to her.  The office manager hears the conversation from her office and sees me leaving.  She comes to the front and ask if we can talk in one of the exam rooms. We talk...I tell her that C is not listening.  She has her own agenda and it's either that or no.  She tells me she will get IS to do my fill.  She comes back after finding IS and she says that she has talked to C and she has some valid points.  However, she thinks that I have some valid points as well and that maybe IS and I can figure it out.

Eventually IS comes into the exam room and we go over everything and I tell her what I eat, what type of exercise I do...etc, etc.  She gives me some handouts on what restriction really is, tells me she wants me to keep my calories under 1200 a day closer to 1000...gives me a meal plan and some other good information (stuff that I personally believe should have been given when I had my first fill).  Then she looks at the pictures.  She says well you had no restriction at 7.3 but you have some restriction at 6.8.  Then I explain to her I feel no restriction.  We look at the pictures together...everything is normal.  She decides we should do a fill.  She gives me .6 which puts me back at 7.3.  She believes that we may eventually get to the point where I have an overfill, just to figure out where my "green zone" is.  I hope we don't have to do that.  IS took a good 30 minutes if not more to talk to me and understand.  She is really cool (most times.)



I got my fill and I'm reviewing the info that IS shared with me and I am going to take it to heart.  I am not giving up on my band.  But I am fighting for me.  Nobody is going to tell me what is going on with my body when I am telling you something different.

As my friend Yoti said in her blog the other day...Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining.  That ain't rain.

New Blogger Alert

Hey everyone.  Nakia was recently banded.  She only has 14 followers.  Go over and show her some BOOBS love.  We all know what she is going through.

http://bandcuffed.blogspot.com/

BOOBS Fun Facts



1. How did you pick your blog name?  My blog name was picked because I love butterflies.  They evolved from a ugly creepy crawly....but they turn into someting beautiful.  I am evolving every day.
2. When did you start blogging?  I started blogged January of 2011
3. Theme of blog (weight loss, family, circus clowns, sci-fi, erotica, fly fishing, doll collecting, star wars, etc) Umm..yeah it's supposed to be about my weight loss and how I'm working the band...but it's about everything...from my band, weight loss, my kids, and my crazy life.
4. Did you go to BOOBs 2010? No...I wasn't blogging yet, and I wasn't aware of the BOOB community.
5. When were you banded? I was banded November 16, 2010
6. How much have you lost? I have lost 40 lbs...give or take a pound or two.
7. What are you most looking forward to at BOOBs? I'm looking forward to meeting the women that I have grown to love over the last 8 months.
8. What/who do you hope to find/see/accomplish at BOOBs 2011? I hope to be encouraged and offer some encouragment.  I hope to be piss poor drunk every night.  LOL
9. Children? Pets? I have 3 kiddos and 1 pet.
10. Who is your roomie? My roomies are the baddest chicks in the game... Stepanie Joy, Beth Ann, and Brandi
11. What day do you arrive? I arrive on Thursday
12. What airport/flight/time? Midway airport around 9 or 10 something...not even sure.
13. What events are you signed up for? Drag show and walking tour
14. Hobbies? Reading and photography
15. Career? I don't currently have a career...I have a job.  My career will be in HR...once I find a position.
16. Single? Married? In a relationship? Married
17. Your birthday month? July baby...it's a holiday ya know.
18. What do you want other BOOBs to know about you? That I apologize in advance if my upfront attitude and tell it like it is mannerism offend you.  It's just who I am.

Weekly refocus

I'm taking a cue from Maria who does a weekly re-focus to stay on or get back on track.  Here is my version.

I have no freaking energy.  I'm not sure if it's because I get 4 hours of sleep each night or that there are other issues.  However, due to this lack of energy I feel that exercise is a chore...not something I want or need to do...something that I have to do and I don't like it.

I've realized that I am entirely to hard on myself.  I have these ideas of being the perfect bandster.  Making sure I lose the weight quick and I'm down fast and stay down. Well guess what?  That ain't happening.  LOL
I'm not perfect...I need to except that.  I also need to except that I have 3 darn toddlers and it's OK to be tired and want to go to bed early.  It's okay.

I also realized that I set myself up for failure more times than not.  I believe I set the bar to high for myself.  Well no more.  I'm going to do what I can...and if that is less than the next person...it's okay.

Here are my goals for the week:

• Work out 3 maybe 4 days this week.  Exercise days are Thursday thru Sunday.  I'm too dang tired the rest of the week to do anything.
• Eat 3 full meals each day.  This never happens for me.  I eat lunch...sometime I eat dinner (not on a regular). 
• Drink 100 oz of water everyday.  Yup...I will met this goal...I have fallen short the last couple of weeks...but no more. 
• Go to bed before midnight.  I know...that sounds easy.  Nope...not for me.  I don't usually go to bed to closer to 1 a.m.  Not this week.  I will get some rest this week!!
• Relax.  I will live in a stress free place mentally this week. I will not let outside influences determine my self-worth.  I have allowed others to infiltrate my shell.  No longer!!  I am going back to the Dawnya who fights for what she wants.  That girl...does not give a flying booger about what others think.  Yup...she is coming back...strong and fierce!!

I look forward to reaching my goals this week.  I look forward to a great week in blogland with my family.

It's a new day ladies...we determine our destiny!!!

BYOC

BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy – 5 little questions you can copy and paste to your own blog in an effort to get to know your fellow bloggers better and to give your blogging brain a break.

Enjoy!

1. What is your blog theme and how did you pick your blog name?

The Evolution of a Black Butterfly...is about the changes I'm going through.  My blog is supposed to be about weight loss....however, it is about my life period.  Everything...the good, the bad, the ugly.  Butterflies are beautiful creatures....but they evolve from ugly little caterpillars (which by the way I hate).  The evolution process takes time...but in the end this creature (caterpillar) is now a beautiful butterfly.  When the butterfly spreads her wings...everyone is in awe...because you is amazingly gorgeous.
My weight loss will take time...but when I am done and I spread my wings...this butterfly will soar to new heights and everyone will be amazed.

2. Repeat question: I’m going to name a person not knowing anything about this person in your life or even if they exist and you need to try to describe them in five words/phrases.

Female neighbor two homes/doors down to the left

I don't talk to strangers.  LOL

3. Which do you hate more? Spiders or snakes. Elliptical or treadmill. Hannah Montana or Lindsay Lohan.

Snakes!  I don't really like either - but Jack HATES spiders with such a powerful vengeance that I have had I HATE spiders.  The nasty little furry bastards, scare the begebees out of me.  I will scream like I'm being murdered until someone kills it.  It's really not a good look.  The dreadmill hands down.  It is an evil, boring machine.  It makes me want to screw nails into my eyes and chew grass.  Hate it.  That would be Hannah I'm a tramp Montana.  I can't understand what is so special about her.  Listening to her sing is like a screeching cat.  She is horrible. 

4. Completely selfish question…I need a dress for Chicago…keep in mind I live in Podunk so the options of physically going into a vast array of stores is VERY limited. (thank God for the Internet) When you need something fancy/a dress – what is your go to store and why?

My dress is so not fancy.  It's just cute.  Put when I'm looking for something fancy...I shop online at the fat girls sites...sorry my skinny friends...not gonna list them, because none of you heffas are fat anymore.  LOL

5. Repeat question: How was your week in blog land and in real life?
Blog land is pretty slow this week.  Everyone has so much going on.  The damn united states is being hit by natural disasters, kids are back at school, parents are now broke from school shopping.  Everyone is just busy or exhausted.  I don't have much to say in blogland.  Just trying to read...no real post.  I'm one of the exhausted ones.

Real Life - I just want to curl up in bed and sleep until I wake up.  Nothing exciting going on for us...hence my lack of blog post.  Worried about my honey being on the east coast.  Worried about my east coast friends.  I spent 3 days away from work at training.  It was really hard for me to come back today.  I'm still working on dealing with my fear of rejection when it comes to this job hunt.  It's a slow process, but process is all that is important to me.  I fit in to some pants that I haven't worn in 3 years.  It was a good damn day.

The band is great

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday this week I'm in training. It's a great experience. However, they do not have a microwave to warm up my food. That sucks. Yesterday I had something I can't even pronounce. I had my handy food scale in my bag, so I measured out 5 oz. ate it and moved on.

Dinner last night was minimal. I made another of my planned meals. Unfortunately, I was to tired to eat it. So it will be my dinner tonight. I find people have a lot of questions for me when I break out my travel food scale. I look like I'm going to start weighing dope. LOL

Hope everyone is enjoying their Wednesday.

I never took measurements before surgery. I wish I had. The scale is not moving. But something is happening...because I but on a pair of pants yesterday that I have not been able to wear in 3 years. I was going to include a picture, but this crazy phone is not cooperating.

Whew...

Okay.  So I'm tired...but what is new.  Charles has been gone a week.  The house is not destroyed and I've worked everyday.  And my beautiful daughter is still alive...barely...but alive.  LOL

This weekend was uneventful at best.  Saturday we spend time in San Antonio visiting my cousin and her daughter.  I wanted to treat her to a back to school meal.  I love that child to pieces.  I can't believe she is already an 8th grader. 

Sunday was spent cleaning the house and doing laundry.  I cleaned the inside and the outside of the house.  It was required.  Yup...I'm still folding laundry on Tuesday...but whatever.

Then I did my least favorite activity in the world.  I went to the damn grocery store. I was not happy about it at all.  I effing hate the grocery store.  I swear I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs IMMIGRATION in Spanish.  I know that is mean..but dang...move out of the way.  I hate that Austin is an asylum city.  Ugh...enough of that.

So I meal planned.  Yup...your girl went to the grocery store with a list.  I only purchased 4 items that were not on the list.  I was shocked.  I planned 4 meals to cook for the week.  All of which should have leftovers for lunch.  How awesome is that?!?

Unfortunately, the meal that was planned for Monday night and Tuesday lunch was not made.  The reason I spent over 1 hour standing in line to get my moms medication last night.  I understand that my mother and others are indigent and receive City sponsored health care, but do you have to require them to get their medication at the dirtiest store in the worst area in the city?  Really?!?!? It ticks me off.  I was not a nice customer once I finally made it to the damn counter.  Ugh.

What else...

Oh yeah.  I have not done any organized exercise yet this week.  However, I am constantly moving.  For example, I arrived home from work yesterday, sat down for 20 minutes to eat something. Feed the two older kids, while they were eating I bathed the baby.  Once the baby was bathed, I made him a bottle, rocked him to sleep, laid him down.  Came down stairs bathed the other too.  Let them watch TV while I cleaned the kitchen.  Put them to bed, then swept...the list goes on and on.  I didn't go to bed until after midnight. 

Mentioning the baby.  He is legally free...finally.  He will be moved to the adoption unit in September...and hopefully adopted before the end of the year.  Yup...he will join his brother and sister as an official Ivey.  I can't wait.

This post is all over the place...I just wanted to give an update.  My post will be more organized for the rest of the week.

BYOC

It’s Friday so that means here in Draz Land it’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy!


We answer just a few questions to get to know each other better and to give our blog brains a break!

Copy to your own blog if you wish and ENJOY!

1. How much makeup do you wear daily, how long does it take you and are you loyal to certain brands?


It takes me exactly 0 minutes to put on all of my makeup.  That is because I don't wear it daily.  Only when I'm feeling myself.  LOL  I do wear lip chap daily...does that count?   

2. Repeat question: I’m going to pick a person not knowing your relationship with them (or even if there is one) and you try to describe this person in 5 words/short sentences.

Your oldest paternal aunt

I do not know any of my father's family...because he is a LOSER!!!

 Tell me about your first real kiss and how old you were.

Well since I have been a hussie since birth I remember this one.  I was a mere 5 years old and in kindergarten (yup...been a tramp a long time).  Well his name was Brandon Johnson.  He was cute.  We danced in class for our halloween party.  In the cloak closet I yelled that he better come over and kiss me.  So he walked over and I said...boy what took you so long...then I laid one on him.  It was closed mouth of course, because I had no idea what I was doing.  Oh yeah...I've always been pretty bossy too.  LOL

If I gave you $1000.00 and told you that you had to give it to a charity – which charity would you choose and why?

Easy peasy.  I would give $500 to a battered women's shelter and $500 to child abuse charity.  These are both close to my heart.  I once let a man beat me to a pulp.  And my daughter was abused.  I was once a volunteer for battered women.  I totally miss doing that.  I wish I could ad that to my already full plate again.

Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
Blogland - is the best.  I love my sisters.  A few of us have been dealing with some struggles lately...but we are surrounded by love and people who want to help us through.  I'm so grateful for you all.

Real life - is a PMSing bitch on crack!!!  This was our first week without Charles and nobody died.  I think we can do this...but Lawd knows I'm tired as hell.  And I get to talk to some of my blog sisters in real life time....hehehe.

What the chopsticks

Seriously...working in a prison can be a pain in the ass sometime.  Today...they are fixing a water main break.  However, in order to do that they had to turn off the water.  Hello...that is not going to cut it buddy.  I had already drank 62 oz. of water before getting to work.  Now you are telling me I can't go piss it out.  What the holy dookey squat?!?!?


Needless to say...I am not going to get my water intake at work today.  Plus...getting in the car, driving to the other side of the compound, then coming back and clearing the damn metal detector is to damn much work just to pee.

I'm really tempted to just walk out on the compound and piss in that huge hole in the ground where they are working.  However, that might lead to my unemployment. 

Hope everyone is having a great Thursday.

An Open Letter to my Jen (or Draz's BFF)...but I like calling her mine.

So on Monday the always beautiful Jen posted on her blog.  Now I am going to respond to Jen on my blog.  Why?!?!  Because I truly love her.  I know...I've never met her a day in my life...she could walk up to me a slap me today and I would have to read the police report to know it was her.  But I love her.  She is my sister in this journey...and my friend.

My dearest Jen,

After reading your blog on Monday I cried.  I cried because I understood your pain.  No, I have not been banded as long as you, and there are some things you have dealt with that I have not.  However, there have been times when I was positive my middle name was Loser instead of Lynn.  I can not change the way you are feeling.  But I can share with you how I feel about you...and honey I feel something wonderful about you.

I also cried because all I see when I look at you is pure, uninterrupted beauty.  A beautiful smile, beautiful eyes, a beautiful body and a beautiful spirit. You are someone who cares for others wholeheartedly without the desire for something in return.  You are you...and YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!!!

I went back and read your blog from January 2010 until present (stalk much...LOL).  Your second post you named your band Amelia.  You named her after a woman you have admired your entire life.  This is the quote you attached to that blog post.

"She set the stage for women, not only in the aviation field, but any field, to fulfill their dreams. She made women realize that if they are determined and confident they do not have to listen to all the No's, but only to their own personal determination to say yes."

You are my Amelia.  You do not listen to the No's.  You keep going.  Even when you have moments where you feel you have failed...you keep going.  Even when you have an idiot Doctor who doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his ass...you keep going.  Even when you have Flammin' Hot Mondays...you keep going.  See you are determined to say yes.

You are an inspiration to me.  You have fought and kept fighting.  Even when the weight isn't coming off...you keep fighting.  You have lost an amazing 93 lbs.  That is something to celebrate.  It lets those of us...especially me know that I may not drop 100 or more pounds this year...but I can still do it.  It may take awhile...but it is still possible. 

Jen...you are no failure.  You are a success story.  You are a continued success...and you are my friend and I love you.

My husband left me...

...for 2 damn months with 3 bad ass kids!!!  What the hell was he thinking.  Hello...I am the same lady who will sleep through a kid crying at night.  Ummm...are you sure it was a good idea to leave them with me for 2 DAMN MONTHS?!?!?  Let's just get over the fact that I have to take care of kids.  I can so do that...I think.  Here is the jacked up part.  I have to take care of my damn self.

Serious...I dont' think he thought this thru all the way.  I am no responsible for me.  I actually have to get up when the alarm goes off.  I can't wait for Charles to come back 10 minutes later and force me up.  I have to iron my own damn clothes (I see wrinkles in my future), I even have to do the damn laundry.  KILL ME NOW!!!

He has only been gone 2 days and I am counting down until his return.  Somebody needs to come take care of these kids.  If not...I see an industrial sized bottle of Benedryl in their future.  I'm just saying...they have allergies (hehehe).

So I haven't done any organized exercise since Friday.  However, Saturday I was so gosh darn busy I didn't stop going until I went to bed at 2 a.m.  Then I was back up at 4:30 a.m. Sunday morning to take him to the airport.  Of course I couldn't sleep when I got home...so I was up the rest of the day.  I cleaned my entire house, did the kids laundry.  Folded and put away their laundry.  I even matched the damn socks together instead of throwing them in the trash like I normally do.  I cooked dinner then bathed 3 squirmy kids.  I finally sat down at 9:45 p.m.  I tried sleep that night.  It didn't come on until way after 2 a.m.  Charles gave me a wake up call at 5:30 a.m.  Yup I actually asked him to call me and wake me up.  How else am I supposed to do it.

Next up...
Charles put up my speed bag apparatus before he left.  I plan on putting it to use tonight.  I can't wait.  I really like to punch things.  I wouldn't mine punching a few people...but that is illegal.  And let's face it...I'm too damn pretty to go to jail.  I am not trying to be Big Bertha's bitch.  Nope. 

I'm concerned about my exercise while he is gone. I'm not sure if my mom is going to keep the kids longer so that I can attend Zumba classes during the week.  We will see, but I have a strong suspicion the answer will be a big hell nah.  I will figure something out...because I have a new challenge coming up.  LOL
So remember awhile back when Leslie created her 5/50 challenge?  Well I'm taking a page from her list and creating the 2/20 challenge.  Two months to lose 20 lbs.  I picked this time and weight, because that is how long Charles will be gone. I want to look even better when he gets back.  I am determined to get in a new decade or two weight wise.  I only have to worry about the food my mom and I consume. 

I'm committed to working out and eating better.  I doubt I will have any huge weight loss numbers to report win my 1 year bandiversary rolls around, but I'm happy with my success so far.  I look forward to many more successful days of shedding the pounds.

hey

I have so much to post.  But I have to do payroll today.  Stay tuned.  I missed ya'll like crazy this weekend.

Rope jumping and other stuff.

What the hell was I thinking?!?  For those of you who follow me on FB you know that I planned on jumping rope for 10 minutes every hour yesterday.  Ha...that didn't happen at all.  I did however,  jump rope every hour.  I eventually jumped 100 jumps or more each time I did it.  I just wanted to move while at work.  I need to move more.  Because let's face it...there are days when I just sit at my desk and wait for ya'll to post.  I know...I'm pitiful.

So jumping rope at work and at home were my only forms of exercise yesterday.  That and playing with the kids. 

So in an effort of full disclosure...I ate like crap today. 

I went to Abuelos Mexican Restaurant for lunch today.  Well the lunch didn't take place until 2 pm.  I hadn't eaten since the night before at 8:45 pm.  Yup...I'm the worst.  If not I'm not hungry I don't eat.  Oh wait.  I did have two 100 calorie cheese packs.  BTW...that cheese is so yummy when it gets to room temperature.  Gross...I know.

Back to my lunch.  I already know what I wanted to order.  I told myself I was only going to have 10 chips with salsa.  That didn't quite work out.  I could pretty much see the bottom of the container when it was all over.  I left the salsa...but the chips.  I couldn't stop eating them.  They were hot.  OMG.  Okay..so my meal was Enchiladas DE Cozumel with Pappas.  Yup...I ATE IT ALL.  I think I might have left some pappas on my plate.  But that is about it. 

Dinner was a smart one.  My water intake was pretty good today. 

Then at 9:45 I decide I should work out.  LOL  I know...it's a wonder I ever sleep.  So I did my 3 workout videos again then I jumped 250 times with 10 leg crunches, 10 scissor crunches and 20 full sit ups.  That was killer.  But I did it.

LBG are resident lapband guru talked about setting goals the other day.  I have been working on my list.  I will share it with you soon. I can't wait to work on them.  I have to get Jen to tell me how to create tabs...LOL...all I do is type people. 

Since my face has cleared up...I'm back to taking photos of myself.  You know I love me.  So here is a picture of today's outfit.  It was cute...however..I'm not happy with my crotch area.  I mean it just looks out of place.  (excuse the picture...my mom took it...sitting down...so it doesn't really show how fabulous I am.)

Did ya'll see that my awesome roomie, Stephanie Joy reached goal.  I'm so freaking happy for her.

Butter my Butt and Call me Biscuit...

...I'm the BOOB of the Day!  Hey now!!  Did you see all the wonderful things that were said about little ole' me?  How awesome. Thanks Pam, Liz, Stephanie and Draz.  Yall are too sweet.

I guess since I'm BOOB of the day and all...I will take back calling  ya'll traitors.  LOL

I can't wait to get to Chicago.  It is going to be a great girls weekend and one hell of a party!! 

I love me BOOBS...I really do!!

Traitors...the whole lot of ya!!!

OMG...How could you my beloved BOOBS endorse ME running?!?  Traitors I call you...traitors. 

So fine...I have read your horrible comments...horrible I tell you.  And I have decided that...

YA'LL ARE INSANE!!!!!!

Seriously....ya'll are certifiable.  I mean did I not mention that my body is not made for running?!?

Luckily...I might have a reprieve.  It looks like Charles is going to be out of state for 2 months for work (hopefully).  Because that means I won't have to run until October.  LOL

I'm going to do the dang running...but I'm not going to be happy about it....and it better result in him buying me something really nice...or sex everyday of the week.  I have to get something out of this.

I'm still in shock that ya'll turned on me faster than grease lightning.

Seriously...

Charles has lost his damn mind!!!  He comes home from work last night while I'm working out to my 3 different exercise videos (gotta burn those calories somehow).  He sits there and watches me workout while he is eating dinner.  When it's finally over and I have stretched and I'm relaxing in the chair.  He says to me and I quote, "In mid September or the end of September we should starting running at night." 

I look over at him and say, "Who should do what?" Because clearly the man bumped his damn head if he thinks I'm going to run on purpose and outside.  The only time I have ever truly run...was when the damn police were chasing me.  You would have thought I was Flo Jo.  However, that was an emergency situation.

This body is made for many things...crazy sex, cuddling babies and men, big hugs, more sex...but running is not something this body is made for.

I just laughed at him when he went on to explain why "we" would be running.  Finally I said yes.  I just want ya'll to know that I outright lied to my husband, because their ain't no way in all of Texas I'm running.  End of story.

Seriously!!!

Thanks for the meal suggestions ladies!!  I'm going to sit down and try to make a meal plan for the week and do the shopping this weekend.  Yesterday's dinner was grilled Tilapia, small baked potato and a green salad (with homemade blue cheese dressing).  I didn't finish it all...but it was yummy.

Meal Planning Help

I have been reading y'all blogs...and I noticed a lot of people discussing meal planning.  Educate me please.
Do you sit down and decide on your meals each day or do you decide on your meals for the week and then do your grocery shopping? 

Here is the problem I run into. I'm TIRED!!  When I get home from work I play with the little ones, feed the little ones, bathe the little ones, play again, then put them to bed.  When I put them in bed I have to read 2 stories in 2 different bedrooms.  By the time I get back downstairs it's a chore just to eat...it would be impossible to cook and it's close to 9 pm.

I know it's an excuse...which I hate to make...but it is what it is.

Please tell me how you do it?  Do you cook all the meals on the weekend? What?!? 

I printed off Ronnie's and LBG's bandster rules.  I want to eat the 3 meals a day.  I don't think I eat complete meals. 

Ugh...I'm frustrated.  I want to do better with my diet...so I'm calling out for help, recipes, whatever you can offer me.

On a side note:  In junior high school I had a teacher who made us recite the following every time we came to here class:

Excuses are tools of incompetence
Which build monuments out of nothing
And those who specialize in them
Seldom become good at anything else.

I don't want to make anymore excuses.  Change is hard, but it is something that needs to happen.  I want to change...I want to be a better me.

Weekend in Review

So this weekend was interesting to say the least.  We packed up all 3 kids (3, 1, 7 months) and drove 4 hours to Little Elm, TX (seriously...Texas has way to many cites and towns...usually with 100 residents...I'm just saying).  The ride was going to be smooth sailing.  I had the portable DVD player for the kids, movies with puppies (they love dogs), snacks, drinks and coloring books.  What could go wrong?!?  ALOT!!!!!

So here is how things went down.  My beautiful spawn of satan daughter decided she had to have some of my hot fries (yes...I was eating crap).  So she begged and "please mama" me until I was annoyed.  So I let her have some.  My son who is 1 had some as well.  He didn't have a problem with his.  She kept saying hot...but kept eating.  Well apparently 3 year olds and hot fries are not a good combination.  Next thing you know we have a scene straight out of the Exorcist with projectile vomiting.  It was so not a good look, smell, or situation.  I was (and still am) traumatized.  She was whining (which annoys the hell out of me)...Charles almost lost his breakfast (the man has a weak stomach with it comes to vomit).  I was pissed, because we had to pull over.  LOL

So we pull over...I take my now panty clad child into Micky D's to clean her up.  I left Charles to clean out the car.  Do you know what this child says to me in the bathroom.?  "Ma, nuggets please."  I'm like heffa you just grossed me out and now your hungry.  If she was a little older I might have told her to kiss my ass.  I know...mother of the freaking year here. 

So she is clean...Charles is mad...and I'm upset that my truck now smells like vomit.  During this entire adventure.  My son is still in the backseat...doing what...eating more damn hot fries.  LOL  He was mad because I took them from him, because I didn't want a repeat.  Apparently the boy has a cast iron stomach like his mom.  I knew we were kindred spirits the first time I held that cutie in my arms.

So we finally arrive to Charles niece's house to celebrate her daughters 1 year birthday.  Yeah...the party is over by the time we get there.  LOL.  However, it was worth the ride, because Charles was able to spend some time with his niece and nephew.  I try really hard to get him to stay connected with his family.  He is not a social butterfly by any means. 

Oh...I have decided I will NEVER travel with my daughter again.  She is such a whiner.  It drives me crazy.  It makes me want to pinch the skin under her arm.  Something I promised I would never do to a child of mine.  The girl drives me batty.  Like I needed any damn help being crazy.

My son...decided to try and eat the entire hot breakfast buffet at the hotel.  That dude had 2 waffles shaped like Texas.  Yes, we let him eat the.  This dude only eats when he wants.  When he is in an eating mood we try to stuff him like the Christmas goose. 

On the Band frontier:
I didn't eat horribly this weekend.  I just didn't eat.  Which to me might be worse than eating crap.  I loose focus on the weekends with my eating...and I don't eat much.  I'm a work in progress.  My water intake was horrible this weekend as well...unless you count all the vitamin water I drank. 

I did some moving this weekend.  Not as much as I usually do...but some none the less. 

This morning I set my alarm to get up at 4:55 a.m. so that I could workout to a few DVDs I have.  Well I don't know what happened to my clock...but I'm pretty sure I threw it into the wall when it went off.  Sue me...I went to be at 12:30 a.m. I will try for an earlier bedtime tonight so that I can get up in the morning.
I will do that workout tonight and a little jump rope.

Catching up on all the blogs from the weekend.  I might not comment...but I'm reading. 

BYOC

It’s Friday so you know what that means here in Care Bear Land!

Yup, it’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy!!!!!

We answer a few questions in an effort to get to know each other better and

to give our blogging brains a break.

Copy to your own blog and enjoy!

1. I’m going to pick a person in your life – not knowing if you have a good or bad, existing or non-existent relationship with them – and your mission is to pick 5 words or traits or thoughts to describe them.

Your paternal grandmother.
She didn't like my mom...which mean she didn't like me.  I never met her.

2. What’s your all time favorite color to paint your nails? And your toes?
Fingers - no polish
Toes - Not a Waitress Red

3. Do you get along with your parents well?
My mom and I get along great.  She raised me and I raised her in some ways.  We are closer than any other mother/daughter in our entire family.  My sister-cousins (really just cousins) call my mom when they need to vent or just want a mom...not their own.  It's actually pretty sad for them.  My mom is my ride or die chick.

My dad is a loser.  I love him, but he is still a loser.  He has 5 children by 4 different women...and he was not around for any of us.  I am the "lucky" one I guess.  He was a part of my life a lot longer than he was a part of their lives.  He doesn't even know where my oldest brother is or if he is even alive.  My other older brother and his mother were married for a time...he left her when my brother was 1 and he stop seeing my brother after he turned 3.  He didn't see him again until 2002 over 20 years later.  My two younger sisters have never seen him in person.  He left their mother when my sister was almost 2 and my other sister was 6 months.  He reconnected with them in 2009...however, he has yet to see them...because he is a loser.  Me...well he never married my mom.  He was engaged to her when he married my younger sisters mom.  He was a part of my life the longest.  Pretty constant in my life until I turned 12.  Then he moved away and only contacted me once...with a $30 money order for lunch money.  I replied to his letter and included my report card...I never heard back.  I didn't hear or see him again until I was 24...only because my brother had located him and me. 

Did I mention he is a loser.


4. Speaking of rainbows – rank the rainbow colors in the order you prefer.

Green
Orange Yellow
Blue
Hot pink
5. Repeat question. How was your week in real life and in blog land this week?

In blog land. Blog land ROCKS!!  Everyone is so supportive and just all around good people.  I mean I literally check the blogs over 50 times a day.  I really should do some darn work.  But I have to make sure I don't miss anything.  LOL  I love my bloggies.

Real life:  Is good most days.  I have a great therapist...I've seen her twice and I always leave refreshed and ready to face the world.  I love having someone to talk to who doesn't know my life.  It's a great thing.  My best friend is in love....with HIM....HE is not the best person for her to love...but I will hold my judgement.  I did however give HIM a call and told him if he hurts her again...he might want to leave the country because I'm coming after his ass this time.  I don't play that. 
I bought a speed bag kit so that I can work on these batwings.  I have made a promise to workout in some form or the other the entire month of August.  Of course Wednesday was shot to hell...and other than chasing kids around yesterday was shot to hell as well.  Today is a new day...my day!!

So much...

...pain!  Yesterday my co-worker was killed on his way to work.  This man was scheduled to retire in December.  He had a new grandchild that was to be born next month.  Unfortunately, he will not be to see that.  While riding his motorcycle to work (which he does daily) he encountered a deer.  Let's just say the deer was not hurt. 

Last year this man beat Cancer's ass!!  He survived a horrific car accident 2 years ago.  He was funny, grump and just an all around great person.  He is gone!  I'm still in shock.  I don't question God in His decisions.  However, I'm still sad about this.

Rest in Peace Paul Sexton...you will be missed dearly.

My mother...WOW...let's talk about her for a minute.  She is trying to drive me crazy with worry, or she is trying to send herself to an early grave.  I'm not sure which one it is...but we are going to have some serious issues in the future.

Wednesday night I dropped my mom off at the emergency room.  Yes I dropped her off...heck me and 2 toddlers and an infant in the ER is not a combination for good things.  So I dropped her off.  She was admitted.  As you may remember she was hospitalized in March.  Five effing months later we are back in the hospital for almost the same thing. The only difference is there was no ear infection involved.  Her blood sugar was near 400 (dangerous), her blood pressure was through the roof...and she had keitones (sp) in her urine (not good for a diabetic). 

When she got out the hospital the last time she talked a good game about how she was going to change and she was going to do better.  Apparently that did not happen.  Instead she ends up back in the hospital.  I'm so angry with her.  I asked her if she was depressed, did she need a break...what the hell do you need to make you care about yourself as much as I care about you.

Well needless to say...she is not happy with me...because I went through the kitchen and threw out tons of crap that she likes to make and eat that is not conducive to a heart healthy diabetic diet.  Whatever...I don't care. 

I'm getting over my anger.  She claims (again) that she is going to change.  She actually got up this morning and walked around the block as far as she could go.  Not the entire block...but a walk none the less.  I told her I was proud of her.  Every little step is a step closer to being healthy.  We shall see what happens.

I'm tired...so tired.  Now I have more to share with my therapist.  LOL 

Finally a fill and so many updates

So much to tell you...here goes.

Friday
My beautiful daughter turned 3.  We took the kids to the San Antonio Zoo in 105 degree heat.  What the hell.  My kids walked the entire zoo while I pushed the stroller.  Hilarious.  They enjoyed their time there.  My daughter especially enjoyed the butterfly house.  My son watched people more than the animals.  He is a people water.  It always makes me smile.

Friday night I went to a Zumba Dance Party.  90 minutes of non-stop Zumba with 3 different instructors.  It was freaking amazing.  I danced my booty off.  I enjoyed every minute of it and connected with some people.  I also decided that I want to go to a class with one of the instructors that lead the group.  She was freaking amazing.

That was the extent of my weekend...besides cleaning my entire house from top to bottom.

Today...I got a fill.  Finally a fill.  I'm so happy I could piss rainbows.  Here is the crazy thing.  I lost 5 pounds.  I'm at 272.6.  The office boss never responded to my e-mail.  However, she did meet with me today to discuss my concerns.  She was very apologetic and stated that she was glad I reached out to her.  She said to me that my weight loss is good.  It is not to fast and it's just what it needs to be in my journey.  She stated that I should not have left the office feeling bad.  I explained to here that I am not a low self-esteem type girl...but that really hit me hard.  She spoke to the evil PA's and let them know they need to watch the method in which they speak to the patients. I felt better after speaking to her.

The fill took place with the same PA who pissed me off 3 weeks ago.  She asked me what I've been doing.  I've lost 5 pounds in 3 weeks and that was with less of a fill level.  I told her I wasn't doing crap...since she pissed me off and I took a couple of weeks off from exercise.  LOL  She looked at me all crooked eyed.

Did I mention I lost 5 lbs?!?!?

I never told you how I did on the Madam's Butterfly Tit's to the Pavement Birthday Challenge.  I ended the challenge at 275.  I lost about 4 pounds.  Nowhere near the 10 I wanted...but every pound lost is cause for victory and celebration, because you are one pound closer to your goal (got that from Shandalier's blog).  So I'm not disappointed at all. 

I have not send in my stats for the challenge so I'm officially out I think.  But I'm still working my tool and I'm determined to lose more weight.  NO matter how slow the process.

I haven't been posting pictures of myself lately because my face is extremely broken out.  The ladies at the mini BOOB luncheon didn't see all of it...because I slathered on makeup...not my thing.  But I didn't want them to be grossed out by my face  LOL 

However, today you get lucky...I was too cute not to share. 
NSV...I purchased a cute dress from Target (yes clothes fit me in Target).  The dress is an XXL.  Yup.  I looked great today.  Here is a picture for your viewing pleasure.  I know...I'm hot...you don't have to tell me.  LOL

 

Survey says...

Stolen from all the BOOBS who posted today...

1. What is your occupation right now ?

Secretary inside of a Federal Prison

2.What color are your socks right now?

I live in Texas...I'm not even sure they sale socks here.

3. What are you listening to right now?

 Geral Levert - Made to Love Ya

4. What was the last thing that you ate?

3 oreo cookies

5. Can you drive a stick shift?

 As long as it is attached to a sexy man.  LOL

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?

My homeboy Rodney.  Talk to him at work all day...then on the phone when we get off work.  His wife and Charles say we are lovers.  NOT!!!

7. Do you like the person you stole this blog from?

I love all my BOOBS

8. How old are you today?

33

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?

FOOTBALL baby!!!  I can't wait.  

10. What is your favorite drink?

Ice cold water

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?

No

12. Favorite food?

Pizza

13. What is the last movie you watched?
The Kids are Alright
14. Favorite day of the year?

Everyday that God sees fit to wake me up.

15. How do you vent anger?

I cuss like a sailor and I usually punch something...because it is illegal to punch people. 

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?

My skateboard.  I was that chick.

17. What is your favorite season?

Spring and Fall

18. Cherries or Blueberries?

Cherries

19. Do you want your friends to blog this survey?

Heck yeah. They already did.  LOL

20. Where is you favorite place to escape?

A good book

21. Favorite Tv Show?

CSI (all of them), Criminal Minds, True Blood

22. Living arrangements?

 

 renting a 5 bdrm house

23. When was the last time you cried?

Sunday, July 24

24. What is on the floor of your closet?

Shoes 

25. Who is the friend you have had the longest?

Karla...she is my bestest good friend in the whole wide world.

26. What did you do last night?

Cleaned...and read.

27. What are you most afraid of?

That I had weight loss surgery and I'm going to fail at it.

28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?

Spicy cheeseburger

29. Favorite dog breed?

 

Summa dog...summa this summa

30. Favorite day of the week?

Monday

31. How many states have you lived in?

5  Indiana, Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Minnesota

32. Diamonds or pearls?

Diamonds.

33. What is your favorite flower?

Orchid