Fill day and the drama of it all

Today was a fill day.  Yippie...I so wanted a fill, because I could eat a baby cow. I go in for my fill.  I chat with the medical assistant who recently had the surgery to see how things are going with her.  I ask about her kids, because I actually care...not just for small talk.  Then I say, "V, who is doing my fill today?"  Her response is C.  I immediately heave a heavy sigh.  C is the one who always says she is worried I'm going to dilate my pouch.  Or that I'm not losing enough fast enough...blah, blah , blah.  In short.  I can't stand the broad!!! 

I go back to the X-ray room, because we are doing yet another barium swallow.  We do the swallow.  This is the conversation after the swallow:

C - "Wow, you have great restriction."
Me - "No I don't."
C - "According to the picture we just took your restriction is perfect.'
Me - "According to my body which I live with everyday my restriction is far from perfect.  I am eating every 2 hours...and lets not forget the constant snacking that I am doing."
C - "What are you eating?  Are you eating enough protein?  Are you tracking your food?"
Me - " I am eating 2 eggs and 2 turkey sausage for breakfast, lunch is tuna with 16 wheat thins, dinner varies, but mostly chicken, and fish, with turkey thrown in.  I have 100 calorie pack cheese as a snake in between breakfast and lunch, then I have a Greek yogurt or 2 TB of peanut butter for a snack before or after dinner."
C - "You shouldn't be snacking after you eat dinner.  That is why you can't lose."
Me - "I eat dinner at 5:30 or 6 o'clock, I don't go to bed until 12:30 or 1 o'clock.  I need to have that snack."
C - "Sounds like you need to eat dinner later or go to bed sooner."
Me -"I have 3 children, a dog, a mother and a household to take care of.  I can't go to sleep any sooner...and I eat dinner with my family...as a family."
C- "Well Dawnya, I don't really want to give you a fill.  You are at 6.7 now...when you were at 7.3 you were to tight and we had to give you an unfill.
Me - "I was to tight at 7.3 because she took all the fluid out to measure it and then put it back in.  I wasn't to tight before that.  If you look at the pictures taken on the day of that fill...there was absolutely no restriction at all."
C - "I don't think you need a fill.  I think you need to make better food choices.  The stuff you are eating as snacks are crap.  You food choices just aren't that great."
Me - "I eat what is the best option for me.  I need food options that will keep outside of being refrigerated, etc, etc."
C - "Well I still don't think you need a fill.  But I guess we can give you a little fill."
Me - "That's fine...just give me the fill."
C - "Yeah, but I'm afraid if I give you a fill you are going to dilate your pouch...because you are eating crap.  I'm trying to work with you, Dawnya."
Me - "No, you are not trying to work with me.  You are not even listening to me (she interrupts me).  You know what I don't want a fill from you (I get off the exam table).  I will just make another appointment to receive a fill.  I don't have to beg you to give me a fill.  This is my body and I know what I need. 

As I'm walking about she is like...well let's talk about this some more Dawnya.  I say no...I've wasted enough of my time.

So I go to the front to make another appointment, because at this point I'm pissed.  I could have been at work instead of wasting time talking to her.  The office manager hears the conversation from her office and sees me leaving.  She comes to the front and ask if we can talk in one of the exam rooms. We talk...I tell her that C is not listening.  She has her own agenda and it's either that or no.  She tells me she will get IS to do my fill.  She comes back after finding IS and she says that she has talked to C and she has some valid points.  However, she thinks that I have some valid points as well and that maybe IS and I can figure it out.

Eventually IS comes into the exam room and we go over everything and I tell her what I eat, what type of exercise I do...etc, etc.  She gives me some handouts on what restriction really is, tells me she wants me to keep my calories under 1200 a day closer to 1000...gives me a meal plan and some other good information (stuff that I personally believe should have been given when I had my first fill).  Then she looks at the pictures.  She says well you had no restriction at 7.3 but you have some restriction at 6.8.  Then I explain to her I feel no restriction.  We look at the pictures together...everything is normal.  She decides we should do a fill.  She gives me .6 which puts me back at 7.3.  She believes that we may eventually get to the point where I have an overfill, just to figure out where my "green zone" is.  I hope we don't have to do that.  IS took a good 30 minutes if not more to talk to me and understand.  She is really cool (most times.)



I got my fill and I'm reviewing the info that IS shared with me and I am going to take it to heart.  I am not giving up on my band.  But I am fighting for me.  Nobody is going to tell me what is going on with my body when I am telling you something different.

As my friend Yoti said in her blog the other day...Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining.  That ain't rain.