There are times when I feel like I am going to fail on this journey. Then I read the inspirational post of so many women who have fought the good fight and won. I know that I will one day be an inspiration to someone else.
Everyday is a new day to get it right. I know I will never be perfect...but I'm not a failure either.
This song is awesome. There are so many people who will never except who they are...or who have people in their lives putting them down and making them feel like less than nothing. Tell them all to kick rocks while wearing flip flops.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Fill...and tattoos...BOOBS roommate needed
Today was fill day. Am I the only one who feels like they are starving the remainder of the day? I mean I have no issues with liquids, but I swear I feel like I could eat a baby mule right now.
My fill went fine....except. When the PA put the needle in I heard this horrible crunching sound. Of course I totally ready to freak out. She says...ah...you have a lot of scar tissue...that's what the crunching sound was. I'm still in freak out mode. I mean I have had several fills since my procedure I don't remember ever hearing that sound before.
I now have a total of 7.3 cc's in my 10 cc band. I'm always optimistic after a fill. So I'm looking forward to the restriction (gosh I hope it comes).
On another note. I LOVE TATTOOS!! I currently have 8. I want more. Of course I wanted to wait and get a nice big one once I complete my weight loss journey. However, it has been 2 years since I felt the sting of the needle on my skin. I am craving some ink. Not to mention my best friend just got 2 new ones without me. I hate her right now.
Well I have an idea of the tattoo I would like to get, but I can't draw. I know my tattoo guy will be able to figure something smooth out for me. I just wish I was artistic. I'm thinking of getting an antique camera tattoo taking a photo of my kids. Not sure where I will put it. That is what I'm working on now. I'm going home to Indiana in 2 weeks and I would love to get the tattoo then. I would hate to have to wait until BOOBS in October for a tattoo.
BTW...I need a roommate. Anyone want to share a room at BOOBS with me? I snore..but since I don't plan to sleep I don't see it being a problem. LOL
My fill went fine....except. When the PA put the needle in I heard this horrible crunching sound. Of course I totally ready to freak out. She says...ah...you have a lot of scar tissue...that's what the crunching sound was. I'm still in freak out mode. I mean I have had several fills since my procedure I don't remember ever hearing that sound before.
I now have a total of 7.3 cc's in my 10 cc band. I'm always optimistic after a fill. So I'm looking forward to the restriction (gosh I hope it comes).
On another note. I LOVE TATTOOS!! I currently have 8. I want more. Of course I wanted to wait and get a nice big one once I complete my weight loss journey. However, it has been 2 years since I felt the sting of the needle on my skin. I am craving some ink. Not to mention my best friend just got 2 new ones without me. I hate her right now.
Well I have an idea of the tattoo I would like to get, but I can't draw. I know my tattoo guy will be able to figure something smooth out for me. I just wish I was artistic. I'm thinking of getting an antique camera tattoo taking a photo of my kids. Not sure where I will put it. That is what I'm working on now. I'm going home to Indiana in 2 weeks and I would love to get the tattoo then. I would hate to have to wait until BOOBS in October for a tattoo.
BTW...I need a roommate. Anyone want to share a room at BOOBS with me? I snore..but since I don't plan to sleep I don't see it being a problem. LOL
Monday, April 25, 2011
Random thoughts!
On May 16th I will be 6 months post-op. I had so many ideas of where I would be when I reached that date. I'm not there. Don't get sad ladies. I will get there...eventually.
I'm not upset. I am proud of where I am. I am amazed that I am working out on a regular basis. I love that I am aware of what I am eating, how I am eating and when I am eating. I knew this would not be easy. I have finally decided not to compare myself to others. I won't lose as fast as the next person. But guess what I will lose. It make take me 2 or even 3 years to reach my goal...but I know I can do it.
With that being said...I was wondering about restriction.
I'm so nosey. I like to know things. So how large is your band? How many cc's do you currently have in your band? At what point did you feel "good" restriction?
Today I see me...Today I love me...Today I smile for me...Today!!!
I'm not upset. I am proud of where I am. I am amazed that I am working out on a regular basis. I love that I am aware of what I am eating, how I am eating and when I am eating. I knew this would not be easy. I have finally decided not to compare myself to others. I won't lose as fast as the next person. But guess what I will lose. It make take me 2 or even 3 years to reach my goal...but I know I can do it.
With that being said...I was wondering about restriction.
I'm so nosey. I like to know things. So how large is your band? How many cc's do you currently have in your band? At what point did you feel "good" restriction?
Today I see me...Today I love me...Today I smile for me...Today!!!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Sick of my job...it is actually making me sick
Four years ago I was a manager at Walgreens. It was a great learning experience. I actually enjoyed the job. Unfortunately, the boss I had was a very unhappy man and made my job miserable. After only 2 weeks of work I started searching for a new job. It took me 8 months to find one.
I started working for the Feds in September 2007. I was so excited. There were so many opportunities for growth...and even travel if you were willing to be mobile. I got through my probationary year and thought it was time to make that move. Well then I started grad school. I figure it would be easier to stay in my position because it was low stress and I wouldn't have to worry about school. That is what I did.
However, the stress level has changed. The environment I work in is so unhealthy for me. I literally get sick when I'm at work. I'm starting to worry as the headaches have come back. When I was at Walgreens I got a migraine that lasted for 84 days....yes that is 84 days. I spent more time in the Dr. office then at home. It was all stress related. The day I decided I was going to quit (with no job in sight) the headache instantly went away.
I have a boss who has been here about 6 months now. I can count on my hand the number of words we have exchanged since his arrival. Talk about unhealthy and unproductive. My two previous bosses were awesome. They respected me and I respected them. That is so not happening right now.
I'm so unhappy here...I want to cry...and I'm not big on shedding tears. I can guarantee if it were not for my children I would have quit by now.
This weekend I will spend a great deal of time working on my resume and applying for positions. I don't like being unhappy. This place is literally robbing me of my joy...of my spirit. I frown more than I would like. I feel old...I fell empty. I have to sit in my car for 15 to 20 minutes everyday before I can walk in my house after work. I don't want to bring the misery home.
I know the economy sucks and I should be happy to even have a job. However, I don't believe in settling. Life is to short to settle. If there is something that you want...and you have decided not to go for it...stop that nonsense right now. Stand up and fight for your joy!!!!!
I started working for the Feds in September 2007. I was so excited. There were so many opportunities for growth...and even travel if you were willing to be mobile. I got through my probationary year and thought it was time to make that move. Well then I started grad school. I figure it would be easier to stay in my position because it was low stress and I wouldn't have to worry about school. That is what I did.
However, the stress level has changed. The environment I work in is so unhealthy for me. I literally get sick when I'm at work. I'm starting to worry as the headaches have come back. When I was at Walgreens I got a migraine that lasted for 84 days....yes that is 84 days. I spent more time in the Dr. office then at home. It was all stress related. The day I decided I was going to quit (with no job in sight) the headache instantly went away.
I have a boss who has been here about 6 months now. I can count on my hand the number of words we have exchanged since his arrival. Talk about unhealthy and unproductive. My two previous bosses were awesome. They respected me and I respected them. That is so not happening right now.
I'm so unhappy here...I want to cry...and I'm not big on shedding tears. I can guarantee if it were not for my children I would have quit by now.
This weekend I will spend a great deal of time working on my resume and applying for positions. I don't like being unhappy. This place is literally robbing me of my joy...of my spirit. I frown more than I would like. I feel old...I fell empty. I have to sit in my car for 15 to 20 minutes everyday before I can walk in my house after work. I don't want to bring the misery home.
I know the economy sucks and I should be happy to even have a job. However, I don't believe in settling. Life is to short to settle. If there is something that you want...and you have decided not to go for it...stop that nonsense right now. Stand up and fight for your joy!!!!!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
The Talk
Thank you all for your outpouring of support on the husband situation. I also want to thank you all for offering your condolences in regards to my mentor Mr. Dennis Willis.
So that talk was had tonight. It was going to happen. I just couldn't do it last night because I was beyond pissed the hell off. I sent him a text message this morning letting him know that we needed to talk when he got home from work.
So I let it all out. I told him that we all have to form a united front when it comes to raising the children. I out right asked him if he hated my mother. I even told him to stop second guessing my damn decisions if he was not going to offer any actual input at decision time.
He says he does not hate my mother. I let him know it was unacceptable to speak to her in the manner in which he spoke. He went to her room and apologized. I told him bottling his feelings up is not healthy...especially if it will lead to an explosion at a later date. I calmly explained to him that we need to have better communication or we should just call it quits now.
He apologized to me as well. He also agreed with our conversation about the kids. Equality on all fronts. I will see how things go. I'm not putting up with a temporary change. It's all or nothing.
On another note...this is a major NSV!!! During the entire conversation I sat on the couch facing him Indian style. The last time I was able to sit like that I was a junior in high school. Of course I pointed that out to him and he was so excited for me.
There is a Rihanna and Ne-Yo song titled Hate That I Love You with the following lyrics:
I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so
Another song that sums me up. LOL
Can yall tell I love music?!?
So that talk was had tonight. It was going to happen. I just couldn't do it last night because I was beyond pissed the hell off. I sent him a text message this morning letting him know that we needed to talk when he got home from work.
So I let it all out. I told him that we all have to form a united front when it comes to raising the children. I out right asked him if he hated my mother. I even told him to stop second guessing my damn decisions if he was not going to offer any actual input at decision time.
He says he does not hate my mother. I let him know it was unacceptable to speak to her in the manner in which he spoke. He went to her room and apologized. I told him bottling his feelings up is not healthy...especially if it will lead to an explosion at a later date. I calmly explained to him that we need to have better communication or we should just call it quits now.
He apologized to me as well. He also agreed with our conversation about the kids. Equality on all fronts. I will see how things go. I'm not putting up with a temporary change. It's all or nothing.
On another note...this is a major NSV!!! During the entire conversation I sat on the couch facing him Indian style. The last time I was able to sit like that I was a junior in high school. Of course I pointed that out to him and he was so excited for me.
There is a Rihanna and Ne-Yo song titled Hate That I Love You with the following lyrics:
I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so
Another song that sums me up. LOL
Can yall tell I love music?!?
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Random venting post...not band related and pointless (long post...only read if your bored)
There is this song called I Feel Beautiful by Fantasia. Here are the lyrics to the first verse:
Nothing I ever did was good enough for you
Nothing I ever did could ever seem to please you
You always tried to make me feel small
And all I did was give you my all
Never felt pretty enough
Never felt sexy enough
Never felt good enough
These lyrics describe how I feel about my marriage at this exact moment in time. Let me just say...my husband is an AWESOME man. He is my biggest cheerleader in everything I do. He has always encouraged me to go after my dreams...to do whatever would make me happy. All he wants in life is for me to be happy.
However, that awesome man can be a complete and utter asshole more times than not. Today is one of those days...and right now...if he accidentally fell over the balcony I would go to sleep and check on his ass in the morning.
When we first married almost 9 years ago...we were not married 6 months before his mother moved in with us. No big deal...I love the old lady. Unfortunately, the love she had for me must have ended once I married her son. She became hostile toward me. She would call me liars on the phone with her friends, called me the N word more times than I care to count, and I have been many bitches in her eyes. She questioned my loyalty to my husband...accused me of cheating and was just all around disrespectful to me. Not once did I mistreat her. When she lost her sight. I cared for her. When she became scared to move after a fall that broke her arm...I cared for her. When we moved to another state, I paid my mother to take a leave of absence from work to come to Texas to care for her. I cleaned her, I bathed her....I loved her and cared for her in ways her own children did not.
Eventually the burden became to much and we placed her in a nursing home. She would receive visits every week. Sometimes Charles and I went together...sometimes we went separately...but I wanted to make sure she never felt forgotten. She passed away in October of 2009. We are financially strapped because we had to pay off her nursing home bill and several other expenses related to her funeral. We are still trying to get over that debt.
I say all this to say...that I was good to his mother. Yet he treats my mother like she is bad rash he can't get ride of. My mother adores my husband. They are only 5 years apart in age...however that is no reason to be disrespectful. My mother quit her job in order to stay home and take care of our kids full time. My mother cleans our house and cooks our meals daily. All while dealing with my bad ass children. She does this all because she loves us...not because she has too.
My husband says mean things to her...or he yells at her...or he talks badly about me so that she can hear it...because he knows she will tell me. These are things he will never say to my face. After he yells and screams about me...when he talks to me his tone is different and his attitude is different. He knows I don't play that bullshit and I will cut him off at the knees. I am nobody's doormat. I can be cold hearted if I need to be.
I say all this to say...I'm pissed at this mean man!!! The bad part is I don't like to be mad at him. But I am fed up with his rudeness to my mother and his favoritism with our children. I'm tired. I'm so damn tired. I don't know how much more of this I can take. The crazy ass mood swings...the rudeness....the downright disrespect. Ugh...
Nothing I ever did was good enough for you
Nothing I ever did could ever seem to please you
You always tried to make me feel small
And all I did was give you my all
Never felt pretty enough
Never felt sexy enough
Never felt good enough
These lyrics describe how I feel about my marriage at this exact moment in time. Let me just say...my husband is an AWESOME man. He is my biggest cheerleader in everything I do. He has always encouraged me to go after my dreams...to do whatever would make me happy. All he wants in life is for me to be happy.
However, that awesome man can be a complete and utter asshole more times than not. Today is one of those days...and right now...if he accidentally fell over the balcony I would go to sleep and check on his ass in the morning.
When we first married almost 9 years ago...we were not married 6 months before his mother moved in with us. No big deal...I love the old lady. Unfortunately, the love she had for me must have ended once I married her son. She became hostile toward me. She would call me liars on the phone with her friends, called me the N word more times than I care to count, and I have been many bitches in her eyes. She questioned my loyalty to my husband...accused me of cheating and was just all around disrespectful to me. Not once did I mistreat her. When she lost her sight. I cared for her. When she became scared to move after a fall that broke her arm...I cared for her. When we moved to another state, I paid my mother to take a leave of absence from work to come to Texas to care for her. I cleaned her, I bathed her....I loved her and cared for her in ways her own children did not.
Eventually the burden became to much and we placed her in a nursing home. She would receive visits every week. Sometimes Charles and I went together...sometimes we went separately...but I wanted to make sure she never felt forgotten. She passed away in October of 2009. We are financially strapped because we had to pay off her nursing home bill and several other expenses related to her funeral. We are still trying to get over that debt.
I say all this to say...that I was good to his mother. Yet he treats my mother like she is bad rash he can't get ride of. My mother adores my husband. They are only 5 years apart in age...however that is no reason to be disrespectful. My mother quit her job in order to stay home and take care of our kids full time. My mother cleans our house and cooks our meals daily. All while dealing with my bad ass children. She does this all because she loves us...not because she has too.
My husband says mean things to her...or he yells at her...or he talks badly about me so that she can hear it...because he knows she will tell me. These are things he will never say to my face. After he yells and screams about me...when he talks to me his tone is different and his attitude is different. He knows I don't play that bullshit and I will cut him off at the knees. I am nobody's doormat. I can be cold hearted if I need to be.
I say all this to say...I'm pissed at this mean man!!! The bad part is I don't like to be mad at him. But I am fed up with his rudeness to my mother and his favoritism with our children. I'm tired. I'm so damn tired. I don't know how much more of this I can take. The crazy ass mood swings...the rudeness....the downright disrespect. Ugh...
Monday, April 18, 2011
Mourning the loss of a mentor
Every morning I wake up I thank God for his many blessings. He has been so good to me and my family. Yesterday a great man of God passed away. Although I wanted to cry...I couldn't. I could only think of how he is no longer in pain and is resting in God's arms. I believe that yesterday their was a celebration in heaven.
Mr. Dennis Willis was the Minister of Music at my church. He was also the man who taught me how to play the piano. He was the father of my childhood best friend. He was also a man who loved without question and gave without care. He was a man who lived and loved life.
I remember the day he told me I was the worst student he ever had (he didn't mean it). I guess he knew that would light a fire under me. From that day forward I didn't do anything but practice the hardest piece for my 10 y/o mind. I wanted to impress him. I wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted to be the best. I mastered the piece and many more over the years.
Thank you Mr. Willis for being a man who cared...about me and so many others.
Mr. Dennis Willis was the Minister of Music at my church. He was also the man who taught me how to play the piano. He was the father of my childhood best friend. He was also a man who loved without question and gave without care. He was a man who lived and loved life.
I remember the day he told me I was the worst student he ever had (he didn't mean it). I guess he knew that would light a fire under me. From that day forward I didn't do anything but practice the hardest piece for my 10 y/o mind. I wanted to impress him. I wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted to be the best. I mastered the piece and many more over the years.
Thank you Mr. Willis for being a man who cared...about me and so many others.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Why? Why Did I Get Married?!?!?
Seriously...marriage is a wonderful institution...if you want to be institutionalized!!! My husband is working my last effing nerve tonight. I mean get away from me. I'm ten seconds from going straight up Scarface on his ass.
Of course he doesn't know what he did. The problem is...the only thing he did wrong today was look at me...breath...and take up fucking precious space. I'm on my damn cycle and my kids are baby spawns of something right now.
They have all taken me to my brink....okay they didn't...but hormones did and they are in the path of this hurricane.
At anyrate...I didn't get my exercise in today...which is not good. I need to do my exercise. It is the one hour of my life that I control. It is the hour that I don't have to care or think about anything other than sweating my fat away.
Tomorrow is a new day. I am all over the 12:30 Zumba class.
I have a new quote. A childhood friend, who is a motivational speaker now, said this to me. "
Of course he doesn't know what he did. The problem is...the only thing he did wrong today was look at me...breath...and take up fucking precious space. I'm on my damn cycle and my kids are baby spawns of something right now.
They have all taken me to my brink....okay they didn't...but hormones did and they are in the path of this hurricane.
At anyrate...I didn't get my exercise in today...which is not good. I need to do my exercise. It is the one hour of my life that I control. It is the hour that I don't have to care or think about anything other than sweating my fat away.
Tomorrow is a new day. I am all over the 12:30 Zumba class.
I have a new quote. A childhood friend, who is a motivational speaker now, said this to me. "
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I got nothing...
...to talk about. Things are just going along. So I'm going to do a bullets post. I love bullets!!!
- I saw a new low on the scale 279. Makes me smile....a lot.
- I'm trying to train myself to eat like a model bandster. It's hard. I don't think I ever did it right from the beginning. I don't want to be a failure with this band....so I am trying to do things right.
- I STILL DON'T HAVE GOOD RESTRICTION!!! I mean there is something there...but not much. I hate that. I desire the type of restriction that will force me to stop eating. Will I ever find it?
- Exercise has been good. Not the best this week, but I keep moving. I am determined to love exercise.
- May will find me at 6 months banded. I'm going to post comparison photos. OMG...I hope there is a visible difference.
- Positive Affirmation: I love to see you smile Dawnya. Especially a genuine smile...your entire face lights up. Things have been a little tight lately, but you continue to push forward. I love your resilience. Keep up the good work girl!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Bread and Soda...just not sweets
So I have decided to give up bread and the 1 soda a week I allow myself. I am so not sure why I would torture myself this way. I already know I never crave anything until I tell myself I can't have it.
Are cookies and tortillas chips considered bread?!? I'm just asking...because I don't know if I can break myself from them. Seriously those Multi Grain tortilla chips are FIYAH!!!
I didn't not make it to the dreadmill last night. I was drained after filing taxes. Ugh...so annoying. However, a tax refund is indeed coming my way. I can't believe y'all have never saw that cute little t-shirt. I think I saw it at Walgreen. LOL
This morning with a lot of effort I forced myself to do a 20 minute express Zumba workout. I don't know how y'all work out in the morning. It just makes me sleepy. Which is not a good thing since I drive 1 hour to work...and that is a challenge...because I get sleepy when the car starts to move...even if I'm on the driver's side. So sad...I know. I wake up my Granny most days and make her talk to me.
I was never a big fan of sweets. Since being banded that's all I think about. I have to have something sweet every night. Is that normal. Does anyone else dream of cookies and cakes?
Are cookies and tortillas chips considered bread?!? I'm just asking...because I don't know if I can break myself from them. Seriously those Multi Grain tortilla chips are FIYAH!!!
I didn't not make it to the dreadmill last night. I was drained after filing taxes. Ugh...so annoying. However, a tax refund is indeed coming my way. I can't believe y'all have never saw that cute little t-shirt. I think I saw it at Walgreen. LOL
This morning with a lot of effort I forced myself to do a 20 minute express Zumba workout. I don't know how y'all work out in the morning. It just makes me sleepy. Which is not a good thing since I drive 1 hour to work...and that is a challenge...because I get sleepy when the car starts to move...even if I'm on the driver's side. So sad...I know. I wake up my Granny most days and make her talk to me.
I was never a big fan of sweets. Since being banded that's all I think about. I have to have something sweet every night. Is that normal. Does anyone else dream of cookies and cakes?
Monday, April 11, 2011
Taxes
What was I thinking?!? I totally forgot that I haven't filed my taxes. The damn deadline is Friday. I was able to get an appointment at H&R Block for today. Which means I will miss my Zumba class. It's all good. I will just go get on the dreadmill later.
I am pretty sure filing taxes ranks high on the things that makes me uncomfortable. Ugh!!
Oh snap...I have dependents now...does that mean I get money back. LOL I sure as hell hope so. LOL
If so I'm buying the kids the shirts I keep seeing that say "Mommy's little tax deduction." LOL
I am pretty sure filing taxes ranks high on the things that makes me uncomfortable. Ugh!!
Oh snap...I have dependents now...does that mean I get money back. LOL I sure as hell hope so. LOL
If so I'm buying the kids the shirts I keep seeing that say "Mommy's little tax deduction." LOL
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Serenity
A tentative budget was pass on Friday night...until the complete budget can be voted on and signed on Thursday. This was serenity in my house...and the houses of my friends. We literally didn't work at all Friday. We were to busy huddled in the break room watching fox, CNN, and msnbc. All we could think about was the budget. I'm glad it's over. Thank you my beautiful friends for offering your support when I was feeling like a big ole bowl of poo!!
Sundresses and bat wings - So it is beautiful in Texas. So that means it's time to break out the sun dresses and the shorts. Which is what I did. I wore a beautiful sun dress out and about yesterday. I was cute. The only problem. My cousin was so pissed I wouldn't take my armband off. As we all know it adds to the bat wing issue. LOL. I told her I couldn't. It was keeping me healthy. It's my own little pace maker. LOL She is very vain...I love her though. I wonder if I can bedazzle the darn thing.
Kids...kids...and more damn kids - I only have 3...but sometime it feels like I have 50. Then me with my bleeding heart agreed to take a 9 year old for the weekend from a family in need of respite care. This is for next weekend...I think. LOL. It should be interesting. My 1 y/o thinks he is in charge. I mean he actually said "No mama...you wrong." to me today. I'm like dude...why do you know how to talk and it's like pulling teeth to get your sister (2 y/o) to say a sentence. LOL. I hate being bossed around by kids. By the way...the new born...well he is 3 months now...is still with us. Not sure what is going to happen with this case. He is the bio brother to my kids. We would love to make him a permanent part of our family, but it's all in God's hands.
Weight loss and exercise - Even though I was totally stressed last week I still managed to to get my exercise in. I am very happy about that! Before the stress would have sent me straight to Target for a few pints of Ben & Jerry's...good friends of mine. So that is progress.
I have not stepped on the scale. No particular reason...I just don't have it in me. I totally need to revamp my eating. I mean I do decent most days (minus the sandwich and shake last week), but I don't think I'm getting all I need to optimize my weight loss. I am taking all suggestions on diet changes and recipes (this totally is your area of expertise LapBand Gal).
We are looking to rent a house here in Austin. Crazy...but I just don't want to buy yet. I just don't feel this is the end for us. I think there is somewhere else to go. We have found some really nice prospects...but we shall see. I just know I refuse to pay what the apartment complex wants to charge ($1365) if we renew our lease. Crazy right!! I think so.
Blogs - I have been reading...just not committing much. But I am back. I can't wait to throw my two cents in this week.
Have a FANTASTIC work week goddesses!!!
Sundresses and bat wings - So it is beautiful in Texas. So that means it's time to break out the sun dresses and the shorts. Which is what I did. I wore a beautiful sun dress out and about yesterday. I was cute. The only problem. My cousin was so pissed I wouldn't take my armband off. As we all know it adds to the bat wing issue. LOL. I told her I couldn't. It was keeping me healthy. It's my own little pace maker. LOL She is very vain...I love her though. I wonder if I can bedazzle the darn thing.
Kids...kids...and more damn kids - I only have 3...but sometime it feels like I have 50. Then me with my bleeding heart agreed to take a 9 year old for the weekend from a family in need of respite care. This is for next weekend...I think. LOL. It should be interesting. My 1 y/o thinks he is in charge. I mean he actually said "No mama...you wrong." to me today. I'm like dude...why do you know how to talk and it's like pulling teeth to get your sister (2 y/o) to say a sentence. LOL. I hate being bossed around by kids. By the way...the new born...well he is 3 months now...is still with us. Not sure what is going to happen with this case. He is the bio brother to my kids. We would love to make him a permanent part of our family, but it's all in God's hands.
Weight loss and exercise - Even though I was totally stressed last week I still managed to to get my exercise in. I am very happy about that! Before the stress would have sent me straight to Target for a few pints of Ben & Jerry's...good friends of mine. So that is progress.
I have not stepped on the scale. No particular reason...I just don't have it in me. I totally need to revamp my eating. I mean I do decent most days (minus the sandwich and shake last week), but I don't think I'm getting all I need to optimize my weight loss. I am taking all suggestions on diet changes and recipes (this totally is your area of expertise LapBand Gal).
We are looking to rent a house here in Austin. Crazy...but I just don't want to buy yet. I just don't feel this is the end for us. I think there is somewhere else to go. We have found some really nice prospects...but we shall see. I just know I refuse to pay what the apartment complex wants to charge ($1365) if we renew our lease. Crazy right!! I think so.
Blogs - I have been reading...just not committing much. But I am back. I can't wait to throw my two cents in this week.
Have a FANTASTIC work week goddesses!!!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Not a happy camper today
I am just all over the place today. First I forget my eyeglasses at home (good thing I keep a pair at work). Then I realize I forgot my armband too. WTF?!?!? That means I will not see my activity for the day. Color me pissed off. I love that thing. I love seeing the good the bad and the ugly. Oh I almost forgot to mention that I forgot my breakfast and lunch on the counter.
Yesterday was the ugly. I don't exercise on Tuesday, because I am taking a certification course that does not end until 9 pm. By the time I get home it is almost 10...it's just not going to happen. Well on my way to the class yesterday I was starving. I stopped at Potbelly's...yes I can still eat bread. So I'm eating my delicious sandwich when I get stuck. Ha...do I stop eating....NOPE!!! That sandwich was good. I slow down...give myself a little wiggle to help the blockage go away...and then just like that I'm back to scarfing that sandwich like a fat woman sitting at the table for Thanksgiving dinner.
I get full off the sandwich...but do I just leave. Nah...that would make to much sense. I stop at the counter and order a damn Oreo milkshake people. I such a foolish bandster. I was full...there was no room for this damn shake. But I get it anyway.
In class I let it melt and I start to sip it. The problem is I'm still full. But not wanting to be wasteful...I continue to sip until I am utterly uncomfortable. I wait...then I sip some more. I finished it. Yes I did. Stupid. So the remainder of the class I'm jittery because I'm stuffed like a pig.
Then I get home and log every freaking calorie. It was not pretty people!! I moved enough yesterday to still have a calorie deficit. But it was only 353. LOL...I like having a calorie deficit in the thousands.
Then...oh...this crappy day gets better. I call a co-worker to check on her son. She proceeds to tell me that her sources are 99% sure there will be a government shutdown and we will not receive at least 2 paychecks. Sorry...but that ain't even gonna work for me. We have been trying to pay down debt so we are living check to check these days. Then when you add in the fact that all of your household income comes from the federal government you have a understanding of what it feels like to be screwed!!!!!
So here I am at work..not being happy...and not having my trusty armband to count my steps and heart rate. Oh well. A good friend of mine would always say...This too shall pass!!!
Yesterday was the ugly. I don't exercise on Tuesday, because I am taking a certification course that does not end until 9 pm. By the time I get home it is almost 10...it's just not going to happen. Well on my way to the class yesterday I was starving. I stopped at Potbelly's...yes I can still eat bread. So I'm eating my delicious sandwich when I get stuck. Ha...do I stop eating....NOPE!!! That sandwich was good. I slow down...give myself a little wiggle to help the blockage go away...and then just like that I'm back to scarfing that sandwich like a fat woman sitting at the table for Thanksgiving dinner.
I get full off the sandwich...but do I just leave. Nah...that would make to much sense. I stop at the counter and order a damn Oreo milkshake people. I such a foolish bandster. I was full...there was no room for this damn shake. But I get it anyway.
In class I let it melt and I start to sip it. The problem is I'm still full. But not wanting to be wasteful...I continue to sip until I am utterly uncomfortable. I wait...then I sip some more. I finished it. Yes I did. Stupid. So the remainder of the class I'm jittery because I'm stuffed like a pig.
Then I get home and log every freaking calorie. It was not pretty people!! I moved enough yesterday to still have a calorie deficit. But it was only 353. LOL...I like having a calorie deficit in the thousands.
Then...oh...this crappy day gets better. I call a co-worker to check on her son. She proceeds to tell me that her sources are 99% sure there will be a government shutdown and we will not receive at least 2 paychecks. Sorry...but that ain't even gonna work for me. We have been trying to pay down debt so we are living check to check these days. Then when you add in the fact that all of your household income comes from the federal government you have a understanding of what it feels like to be screwed!!!!!
So here I am at work..not being happy...and not having my trusty armband to count my steps and heart rate. Oh well. A good friend of mine would always say...This too shall pass!!!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Body bugg, bat wings and workouts...hmph
Hey family!!
So I have been wanting a calorie out counter thingy for some time. I could never figure out how many calories I was burning from my workouts. So I looked at the body media fit and the body bugg ( I saw them on other blogs). They are great devices. They are always pricey devices and I'm cheap. I'm talking about squeeze a booger out of Lincoln's nose on a penny cheap. I can't help it. LOL!! They are pricey and they also require a monthly subscription...yes...more damn money. So I decided to pass and just wing it. LOL
Well Saturday the mail person finally brought my little settlement money from Walgreen's. It was just what I needed to purchase this little calorie counting thingamabob. So I got it. I adore it!! The best investment ever!! The bodybugg shows me everything. I'm so happy to finally know how many calories I'm burning a day. I was amazed to learn I'm burning over 3700 calories a day and taking in a little over 1800 (I really need to bring that number down).
The only drawback of the bodybugg is the arm strap. People I never had any issues with my arms. Hell I wear the cutest tank dresses and tube dresses and shirts all summer long. Well honey this things show off my bat wings. I really noticed them yesterday while at Zumba. They were flapping so bad I just knew I would take flight at any given second. It's scary. I am officially on a arm reduction mission. These things gotta go. LOL
I am proud to report that I am working out 5 days a week. Four Zumba classes and one day at the gym on the dreadmill. I feel great. I'm so happy about the change. I finally purchases a new scale. I hope this one goes in the right direction.
Thanks for the compliments on my pictures. It is great to be called beautiful by other beautiful women. It warms my heart. I'm so glad to know that my love for ice cream is something I have to endure alone. You goddesses ROCK!!
So I have been wanting a calorie out counter thingy for some time. I could never figure out how many calories I was burning from my workouts. So I looked at the body media fit and the body bugg ( I saw them on other blogs). They are great devices. They are always pricey devices and I'm cheap. I'm talking about squeeze a booger out of Lincoln's nose on a penny cheap. I can't help it. LOL!! They are pricey and they also require a monthly subscription...yes...more damn money. So I decided to pass and just wing it. LOL
Well Saturday the mail person finally brought my little settlement money from Walgreen's. It was just what I needed to purchase this little calorie counting thingamabob. So I got it. I adore it!! The best investment ever!! The bodybugg shows me everything. I'm so happy to finally know how many calories I'm burning a day. I was amazed to learn I'm burning over 3700 calories a day and taking in a little over 1800 (I really need to bring that number down).
The only drawback of the bodybugg is the arm strap. People I never had any issues with my arms. Hell I wear the cutest tank dresses and tube dresses and shirts all summer long. Well honey this things show off my bat wings. I really noticed them yesterday while at Zumba. They were flapping so bad I just knew I would take flight at any given second. It's scary. I am officially on a arm reduction mission. These things gotta go. LOL
I am proud to report that I am working out 5 days a week. Four Zumba classes and one day at the gym on the dreadmill. I feel great. I'm so happy about the change. I finally purchases a new scale. I hope this one goes in the right direction.
Thanks for the compliments on my pictures. It is great to be called beautiful by other beautiful women. It warms my heart. I'm so glad to know that my love for ice cream is something I have to endure alone. You goddesses ROCK!!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Icecream
So...that public declaration on Tuesday of giving up icecream. EPIC FAIL!! I mean what the hell was I thinking. I could have a easier time just deciding to stop breathing...but giving up icecream...that was just a stupid idea.
I didn't even last a full 48 hours. Yesterday was the moment when I had to have it. And have it I did. The sad part is I went all out. I mean Thursday was a horrible food day all around for me. But I devoured a 710 calorie Peanut Buster Parfait from DQ. Let me just say....DAMN IT WAS GOOD!!!!
So I am not giving up icecream. It's just to dang hard. I will however, not waste another 710 calories on a DQ. LOL
Is it just me...or did this week drag on forever?!?!
I didn't even last a full 48 hours. Yesterday was the moment when I had to have it. And have it I did. The sad part is I went all out. I mean Thursday was a horrible food day all around for me. But I devoured a 710 calorie Peanut Buster Parfait from DQ. Let me just say....DAMN IT WAS GOOD!!!!
So I am not giving up icecream. It's just to dang hard. I will however, not waste another 710 calories on a DQ. LOL
Is it just me...or did this week drag on forever?!?!
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