Whew...catching up on blogs takes a lot of work...and requires the entire house to be in bed asleep. I have read everything since Friday. I have not commented on all...but I did read them.
Mom update!!! My mommy was discharged from the hospital on Friday. With over $150 of prescriptions. I literally laughed at the pharmacist. All I could think about was there goes my extra cash. LOL She is feeling MUCH better!! She is still not 100% but she is well on her way. Her 50th birthday was on Saturday. No big celebration as she wasn't up to it. It didn't feel like a birthday at all. I've promised to make it up to her when she is feeling like her old self.
My mother was instructed to follow a specific diet to help control her blood sugar and blood pressure. Well I got news for her. She will follow bandster rules. LOL I am officially in charge of the cooking. She is not happy about that because I am not a fan of soul food....her favorite. Thank you all for your kind words and your prayers. She wanted me to let you know she appreciated each word.
My life...well right now it is dragging me down. The last few weeks from being sick to mom being sick to being in the hospital has left me spent. I have not wanted to do much of anything. I only exercised 3 times last week...that was my 3 Zumba classes. I know I'm capable of so much more.
I have a goal of getting in more exercise every week. My husband says I feel bad when I don't exercise because I am putting to much pressure on myself. He may have a point...but...whatever!! I have a goal...I strongly desire to have a 50 lb weight loss by my 6 months. It's not looking good. LOL
Food is still the enemy. It's funny. I'm actually not making bad food choices. The problem is I'm not eating. For example, this morning I was up at 6 a.m. I took care of kids, and mom, cleaned the house and just chilled. The kids and I were going to the grocery store and I hate going there hungry. That's when I realized I had not eaten all day...it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon. So for the first time since before I was banded I stopped at Mickey D's and had a what...a nasty ass double cheese burger. It was horrible...but I ate the entire thing. Crazy I know. It gets worse family. I didn't eat again until 9:30 tonight. It was a small bowl of tuna with wheat thins.
I know these are horrible eating habits. I am positive my horrible eating habits have contributed to my pathetic weight loss. That is my minimum exercise. I am not properly using my band to benefit me. I feel like I'm screwing up this perfect opportunity.
I'm scheduled to have a fill on Wednesday. I know it will only be .5 cc's (I'm at 6.5 in a 10 cc band). I so wish I could just get 1 full cc. I have better restriction since the last fill a month ago. I just fill that 1 more cc will take me where I need to be.
I really want to cancel my appointment. I hate to go into that office and not have loss any weight since my last visit. It doesn't help that my auntie (monthly cycle) is here for a visit. It makes me feel like a failure. They are not the most encouraging group of people. I think they suck. LOL It's my own fault for not considering all my options when choosing a surgical practice.
I didn't participate in BYOC last week..but there was a question that stood out to me. It discussed parenting styles. I SUCK FROG TAILS AND TOENAILS as a parent. I am the worst. I feel bad...I don't think I do enough for my kids...or that I don't spend enough time with them. I feel that I will ultimately fail them. I think they deserve so much better than me. My husband on the other hand. He is the greatest parent. He doesn't yell...he doesn't threaten...he just is. Me on the other hand...I threaten to kick them in the neck if they don't stop (not really), but you get the picture.
Sorry for the ramblings...but If I didn't have this blog and you wonderful women. and Tessies' hubby...I wouldn't know what I would do. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
6 comments:
Dawnya, you need to read this back to yourself. You are being SO HARD on yourself. You have a lot going on. Sometimes it's OK to not be superwoman! I think your next fill will help out. My eyes about popped out of my head when I saw you could eat a whole double cheese burger. (An old friend of mine...sigh) lol
And as for the mom stuff. I think we ALL feel that way. It's so hard.
Now for the homework: I think you should spend a whole day taking care of YOU. Plan a day ahead of time and spoil yourself. That includes a delicious pre-planned menu for the day, a workout (if it makes you feel good) and time to do whatever else it is that you like to do. (Date night?) Give yourself some love and attention. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of everyone else.
It is easy to be hard on ourselves when we are going through the rough patches. When I am like that I look at how fat I have come. You did 3 zumba classes, that is great I bet before the journey started it would have been zero classes. You are doing a great job.
I agree with Jen (not just because she has a great name either). I agree that you are being too hard on yourself! You are more self aware than ever- you know what choices you need to make, it is okay if you aren't 100% on everything. It doesn't mean you are a failure! Quite the contrary- you managed to take care of kids, your mom, your home, and work last week while also getting in three days of Zumba- all I have is work and I didn't manage to get any exercise in last week! You are off to a good start, stay focused on your accomplishments and you wil continue to succeed! Hang in there girl- you got this :)
I agree you are being too hard on yourself. None of us can be perfect every single moment of every day. *HUGS*
Oh, Dawnya. I can just hear how stressed out you are! Please, please stop kicking yourself while you're down. You have just gone through a really horrible, stressful experience with your mom. You had NO time to exercise or eat right or spend with your family. It is completely understandable that your food isn't spot on right now.
As far your parenting, I don't think you should make any statements right now in that area for the reasons I've already said. When you've recovered and are back on track, give it saome thought and if you still feel there are places to improve (and we ALL have these areas - even your husband), then you can make some changes!
Please don't cancel your fill appointment. I'm sorry they aren't nice to you there, but if you need a fill, you need to go in (especially if you haven't lost much).
First, I am so happy momma is on her way to feelin better! Second, you have A LOT going on right now, stop beating yourself up! You will meet your goals, maybe not exactly when you want to, but you will get there. And don't under estimate the power of a .5cc fill! It can beyond work wonders! Hang in there girl! <3 ya
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